I didn't like how our behavioural interventionist was so exhausted.

When you pay $1,500 to have a behavioural interventionist trained to help your son, and then you pay her $16 an hour, you don't want her to show up for work exhausted.

That's what ours did. She'd be totally exhausted from staying up all night. She'd be yawning and falling asleep and sitting on the couch, not doing anything.

She'd be drinking Red Bull at 9am when she showed up for "work", and then she'd leave her can on the counter for me to recycle.

What our babysitter said.

Our babysitter said that she had never seen the inside of a pair before because she is "allergic to fruit". She's allergic to them because of the "pesticides". She is not allergic to organic fruit, however.

Our babysitter said that she failed her essay, despite her thinking that it was the best essay she's ever written. A few days later she told us the whole class had failed. Everyone received an F.

Cindy told her that Jake's teeth were so white because they were extra calcified - and this could lead to future cavities. A few days later she told us that she had extra calcium in her teeth and the dentist said this was a problem.

We had ants in our house one morning. A few days later she said that they had ants in their house, in every cupboard, in every box of food.

When the painter came to paint our house, she said she and her boyfriend were painting their house this summer - and her boyfriend's house.

When Cindy said my feet were dirty, the babysitter said that she noticed Jake's feet were dirty from his play mat and that her feet were also dirty from his play mat. The play mat is clean. My feet were dirty from walking around outside.

I almost acidentally killed our babysitter.

Our babysitter has told us a number of times that she's deathly allergic to nuts - especially peanuts. If a peanut particle touches her arm, she breaks out in hives.

If she eats a peanut she has to be rushed to the hospital immediately.

The other day I asked if she wanted a coffee. She said yes so I poured her coffee and handed it to her. I said, "It's flavoured."

She said, "Oh, what flavour?"

I said, "Hazelnut."

She put the cup down and turned away. Cindy said, "Good thing she didn't drink it!"

"I'm sorry," I said to the babysitter. "I really wasn't trying to kill you."

I would have served 10 years in jail for involuntary manslaughter and the kids would have grown up without a father.