Man in coma for 23 years was actually awake!

A fake news story came out a couple days ago: A man who was supposedly in a coma for 23 years was actually awake the whole time! Now he's communicating! It's a miracle!

Sure. And I'll sell you some real estate on the moon.

Anyway, I was thinking how horrible it would be if this was true. If everyone thought you were comatose 23 years. I think you would go insane from boredom. Literally you would lose your mind.
Then I got to thinking, imagine if you had discovered some ultimate and amazing fact about human nature during that time (because you had nothing else to do except observe humans and think).

Let's say that the observation you made would revolutionize human communication. Perhaps you noticed some subconscious way of communicating. Since you're comatose, this ground-breaking discovery would never be known!

Now that's frustrating. More frustrating than just being comatose. Being comatose and having some major discovery that you can't communicate.

The most depressing liquour store I've ever seen.

Last Friday I went to the liquor store I usually go to to buy beer. I always dislike going there and I could never pinpoint the reason why.

I think I figured it out. First of all, it's a sausage factory. All guys. No women ever go there. The only women who work there are young, female cashiers who try to dress slutty, but can't really pull it off because they're not that pretty.

Second, the line is huge.

Third, while standing in the huge line, I looked around at all the other customers and they all looked like me. It was freaky. They were all about my height and body type. They wore my kinds of clothes and they all looked tired, out-of-shape and scruffy after a day's work.

They were "me" at different ages. In front of me was a Jim who was 5 years older. Behind me was a Jim in his mid-twenties. We were all heading home to our families after a week at work, buying beer so that we could relax.

They were all standing in line with me. We were all together. I hated it. This is what I've become.

Men could never be pregnant.

I was talking to Cindy the other day and I mentioned something about men being pregnant. She laughed out loud, right in my face.

"What?" I said.

"NO WAY you could be pregnant!" she said.

She went on to describe how I'd be a super whiny ball of mush lying in bed all day and moaning. I'd demand to be served. I'd demand to be fed. I'd complain all the time.

"You know how grouchy you get when you're tired or hungry? Imagine that plus being sick all day long, plus not sleeping."

Then she felt a little bad for me. "It's not just you - I'm saying any man couldn't be pregnant. You guys are a bunch of wimps."


I tried to defend mankind, but she was right. We are wimps.

Cindy said, "If men had to have babies, the birth rate would drop to zero."

She said humans would go extinct.

The Amazing Kreskin

For our anniversary, Cindy bought me tickets to see the Amazing Kreskin for a 2 hour show in Maple Ridge. Kreskin is a legendary mentalist.

The show was pretty good. Most impressive is when he reads people's minds. He asks the audience if someone is thinking of a certain thing and then a person might raise their hand. He asks the person to stand and proceeds to "read their mind" by stating facts.

For example, Kreskin said, "Does 'bird' come to anyone's mind?"

A guy raised his hand and said, "I was just thinking of my bird."

Then Kreskin said, "Do you like music? Elvis Presley?"

The guy said, "My bird is named Elvis."

Then Kreskin nailed about 5 more facts, including the guy's birthday and roommate's name.

For some people, he'd only nail a few facts and then stop talking. For other, people he'd be on a role and nail 5 or 6 facts. He only made one mistake: He told a guy his birthday was in 78 but it was actually 58.

We hid his cheque in the theatre and he found it. He also did some fun hypnosis. Kreskin claimed that he wasn't psychic and he didn't do tricks. He didn't understand how he "knew" these things, but insisted there was no magic and no accomplices.

One thing I noticed is that he tells a lot of stories and tends to drone on and scatter his thoughts. At first I thought it was just because he was old. Then I thought he's doing it on purpose, telling us subconsciously what to do so he could later read our minds. Clever. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

It also occurs to me that I think Kreskin has perfect hearing and perfect pitch. He seems to hear things from people's voices and he's a whiz at the piano.

It was a pretty good show.

I'm amazed at construction.

I'm still amazed that we can build new highways and bridges. Construction workers never seem to be working. They're aways just standing around watching one guy dig a hole.

I'm even more amazed that they can keep roads and highways and bridges open, at the same time that they're re-building or improving these same roads. That whole idea of keeping traffic flowing while they build around the cars seems so impressive to me.

The other day I was driving down the highway and I saw a sign that said in two weeks they were closing the highway for 10 minutes at 1am. They knew 2 weeks in advance that they were closing the highway for 10 minutes! Talk about great planning.

And only 10 minutes? Hell they can close it for a few hours and I'd be impressed. But 10 minutes and in the middle of the night? They're being super nice and considerate. I wonder what they're going to be doing for that 10 minutes that compels them to close the road?