Some people get depressed on Valentine's Day because they don't have a partner.

V-Day is one of those holidays that gets a lot of grief. Especially from single-women. They often get "depressed" on Valentine's Day because they don't have a boyfriend.

V-Day reminds them that they are lonely and they don't need to be reminded. Sometimes they get downright angry and say, "It's such a 'fake' holiday!"

Many men agree and say it's invented by the greeting card companies so that they can make money.

To rebel against the holiday, some women go out and do a "girly" things with their other single girlfriends. They pretend that they're proud of their "independence from being in a relationship."

But you know what? The whole idea that they need to rebel and have hate on towards Valentine's Day shows that they care.

If they truly didn't care about being single on Valentine's Day, then it would just be like any other day. No need to emote.

If you took these people and said, "I will give you the greatest boyfriend you could want right now with the snap of my fingers" they would all beg you to snap their fingers.

It's just like when really fat people say that they're happy with their bodies and that fat is beautiful. If you snapped your finger and magically made them skinny, they wouldn't want to be fat again.

It's called lying to yourself. And we all do it. Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that can bring out the lie.

Why do women secretly listen to your phone conversations?

I've noticed throughout my working career that women listen-in on private phone calls. I'll be talking on the phone to my wife, and the women nearby will appear to be working away, but they're listening to everything I say.

I know this because they will often mention something later in the day that they could have only heard through my phone call.

In my last job, one woman nearby would directly ask me, "Who were you talking to?" after listening in on my phone calls. She obviously didn't care.

Cindy confirms this is the case. She says women "can't help" listening in on phone calls because it's evolution. She says women don't focus their attention like men do. Women need to be aware of all sounds going on around them so they can "hear the baby cry".

Men, on the other hand, tune out other sounds and focus on the prey. The hunt. That's why many men don't listen to women, and women get so mad.

I can easily ignore phone conversations around me. Cindy cannot.

Men could never be pregnant.

I was talking to Cindy the other day and I mentioned something about men being pregnant. She laughed out loud, right in my face.

"What?" I said.

"NO WAY you could be pregnant!" she said.

She went on to describe how I'd be a super whiny ball of mush lying in bed all day and moaning. I'd demand to be served. I'd demand to be fed. I'd complain all the time.

"You know how grouchy you get when you're tired or hungry? Imagine that plus being sick all day long, plus not sleeping."

Then she felt a little bad for me. "It's not just you - I'm saying any man couldn't be pregnant. You guys are a bunch of wimps."


I tried to defend mankind, but she was right. We are wimps.

Cindy said, "If men had to have babies, the birth rate would drop to zero."

She said humans would go extinct.

You need to be a MAN!

Women want a real man. Not a pussified, wimpy man. A real man. They say they don't, but they do. So here's my guide on how to be a real man.

1) Don't stand outside the shower, feeling the water temperature with your hand until it's just right. Don't be a puss. Go into the shower, turn on the water and bear it until it heats up. Go hardcore and be a man.

2) Don't take a little twinkle. Wait until your bladder is bursting full and then go to the bathroom and piss like a racehorse for 3 full minutes.

3) Shirts are optional. As a guy you have a right to walk around bare-chested. And the uglier and fatter your body, the more obliged you are to go shirtless. Be proud of your beer gut.

4) Don't go to the doctor unless you're dying. "Thanks for seeing me doctor. I have this twinge of pain in my knee whenever I do this..." NO! Be a goddamn man. Unless you can't walk because you're in agony or have late stage brain cancer you shouldn't go to the doctor.

5) Don't vacuum the floor mats of your car. Oh my god are you a fricken housekeeper or are you a man!!!??? If your car mats get dirty you grab them with your hand, step out of your vehicle and you beat the dirt out of them.

6) Don't bake cookies. In fact, don't "bake" anything. You're a man. You use the barbecue or a grill or a frying pan and that's it. If you want baked cookies go to grandma's house you wuss!!!

7) Don't drink bottled water. What are you, European? You drink water from the tap. And you don't use a glass. You turn on the water and you put your mouth under it. You don't let the water run. Better yet you only drink beer.

8) Don't use an elliptical exercise machine. That is way too feminine. Just imagine how you look to all the women and all the real men out there! You're sticking your butt in the air and moving your arms like you're cross-country-wussy skiing down a catwalk. Get outside and push a car or chop firewood or sprint down the middle of a football field!

9) Hand sanitizer??? Are you nuts? What, you touched a dirty door knob and now you have to rub your hands down with anti-bacteria alcohol? God help you sir! Your only hand sanitizer should be your own piss. You urinate on your hands if you want to kill the germs. That's it.

Now be a man and watch the women come running to you!