Biography of co-worker (part 1)

I work with an interesting guy. I thought I'd write a quick and dirty character description.

He's gay. Openly gay. And a self-described "socialist" who is hardcore left wing. He randomly says things like "rich people are evil and should be taxed". "We need more public transit." "The government should put evil banks out of business."

Once I challenged him. I said, "Who's going to pay for this stuff you want?" He said, "Rich people." I said, "There won't be any rich people left."

He's disorganized and chaotic. He gossips a lot and dresses in grubby clothes. He bad mouths the boss constantly and was recently laid off, although he says he was "fired" because the boss hates him. I explained it was a layoff and he insisted it was a firing because he "hates, corporate jargon newspeak."

He has a blog. He's a writer with thousands of dollars stashed in his apartment because he doesn't trust banks. He gets phone calls and letters from the government threatening to "garnish" his wages because of a multi-thousand dollar student debt. He proudly shows off these letters.

He's disorganized and forgetful. If you ask him to do something like file a letter, it probably won't get done. He blames it on a "condition". He often randomly yells out "shit on a stick!" or "eff word!" Again, due to a condition.

He says he's losing hearing in one ear and is terrified of his teeth falling out. He bikes to work and runs into the office breathlessly late every day with a random announcement like, "I dumped water on my neighbour's dog", "I flipped my mattress and saw hundreds of bed bugs", or "my air conditioning collapsed on me last night".

He's a whiz with office equipment and is great at designing and writing publications. He asks a lot of personal, irrelevant questions like, "Are your sisters straight?" or "Where are you going for your walk?"

It took him a few weeks to remember my son's name was "Jake" and not "Jack." Once he got it, I switched it up and called my son "Jack".

He's super nice and has great customer service skills. When I recommended he get into sales, he said he would never do it because they are the "scum of the earth".

(continued)