Self-help is a way of avoiding death.

The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said that we humans often cope with the anxiety of our impending death through religion.

Another way we cope with death is to, "Bravely throw myself into acts of 'defiant self-creation'. In other words, by making something of ourselves. By self-helping ourselves so that we become immortal.

Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein sum up the idea in their book Heidegger and a Hippo Walk Through Those Pearly Gates: Using Philosophy (and Jokes!) to Explore Life, Death, the Afterlife, and Everything in Between:

Think positive thoughts! Dare to dream the impossible dream! Visualize great goals! Harness the secret powers of the law of attraction! Then my life will have meaning, and that meaning will transcend death. (p.40)

Perhaps. Or maybe self-help is just a way of trying to succeed. I think it's presumptuous to dismiss a whole ares of self-knowledge by saying "it's a way of denying death".

Although, I do find myself wanting to agree with Soren Kierkegaard. I generally think poorly of the self-help movement. I view it as a way of voluntary brainwashing yourself, and I think that self-help ultimately leads to depression through narcissism.

I have a theory that anything "self-help" doesn't really work.

If self-help really worked, then there would NOT be an industry of books, videos, techniques and websites.

You would read one or two self-help books and voila, you'd be improved. No more need for self-help. The self-help gurus like Tony Robbins or Dr. Phil would only have one book published. One system. The book stores wouldn't have a self-help shelf. And so on.

Of course that's not the case. Robbins and the other self-help gurus have a plethora of books and systems and seminars and followers. That just proves to me that self-help doesn't work.

Besides, we all know what we need to do to improve things right? Deep down we know the answers? I think so. We all know what we should do. Most of us just don't bother doing these things - because they're too hard.

A real self-help program wouldn't be about telling us what we need to do. It would be about making us actually do them, actually complete the tasks. And since we can't be forced to do anything we don't want to, self-help fails.

How to be a good parent.

I'm listening to Parenthood by proxy by Laura Schlessinger, a virtuous, Christian radio talk show host. She laments the fact that traditional homes with traditional values are no longer considered necessary to raise good, well-adjusted children.


It's considered acceptable for kids to be raised by divorced parents, step-parents, double income parents, uncles etc. This isn't the best way to raise children, she says. It leads to turmoil in their lives.


According to her, parents owe their kids time (and attention), clothes, shelter and food. That's it. Playstations and trips to Disneyland are nice, but not obligatory. Attention and time are the big challenges for parents. In non-traditional families the kids don't get enough attention and time.


She says nowadays we are more selfish. We're told by the media to improve ourselves and do what makes us happy. We're taught that we're number one, we deserve the best, we can do anything we want. In other words we're self-indulgent.


It causes parents to do wrong-headed things like have divorces, travel the world and leave their kids at home, pursue a career and neglect their kids, etc. Instead we should encourage the values of self-sacrifice.


When you have kids you agree to make sacrifices for your children. Your happiness no longer comes first. Theirs does. And this is a good thing and should be embraced and promoted by our culture.


My own 2 cents: I agree about the selfishness. We're taught that we deserve to be happy and to put ourselves number one. This is a problem. I disagree about her idea as "daycare as a last resort". I think (and hope because Jake's in daycare!) you can still raise a well-adjusted child who attends daycare. The studies show this is true.



But we have been noticing lately that daycare may not be the best option for Jake. The workers claim they know sign language but when Jake signs and asks for something they wave and say, "Hi Jake!" So I think he doesn't get the best development.



Also he catches every illness that goes around, and all the other parents send their sick kids to daycare.

Have you noticed we're always sabotaging ourselves?

Have you ever noticed how we always seem to be doing things for the good of our future selves? And then when that future comes we hate it?

Like we say, "I'll stick in this job and build up my resume so in a few years I'll be super qualified." Then a few years comes and you're like, "I hate this job."

Basically we're always sacrificing for our future, and our future selves never appreciate it. I read about this in a book about happiness. (Sorry, I forget the title.) The gist was that most people aren't happy even though they spend most of their lives doing things that they think will make them happy in the future.

I'll take this job. I'll buy this house. I'll buy new clothes. I'll start a budget.

Either we do these things and then we say, "Okay I still feel like crap. What's going on?" Or we quit half way because it's too hard and then we say, "I feel like crap. I shouldn't have quit."

Interestingly, people who don't plan or sacrifice for the future (I'm thinking people with poor impulse control, drinkers, drug habits etc.) aren't happy either.*

So what do we do about this? I don't know.

*Except for Buddhist monks or Zen masters who "live in the moment.