5 Random Things I Hate (part 5)

1) I hate when you go to a public bathroom and there's a series of instructional signs about how to wash your hands, step-by-step, with helpful photos. Cmon people. At this stage of the game if you can read and follow instructions but don't know how to wash your hands, you should be killed.

2) I hate when you get a bill in the mail and there's an extra flyer in the envelope, printed on glossy paper, in colour, that explains how the company is so environmentally friendly. Stop killing trees you liars!

3) I hate when restaurants advertise that their food is "made from the freshest ingredients". I hope so! I hope that I'm paying $20 for fresh ingredients! The fact that you're telling me this makes me suspicious of you. Now I don't want to eat your garbage food.

4) I hate it when you buy one item at a store and it prints out a never-ending receipt! Why does a receipt for one item need to be as long as my forearm? Sometimes there's more than one receipt. Why do I need two or more separate pieces of paper! Answer me!

5) I hate it when companies send you letters that say "we missed you!" No. You mean you missed my money. You don't me on a personal level, nor do you care. So tell it like it is! Write me a letter that says "We miss your money!" Always replace "money" with my name in any personal correspondence.

5 Random Things I Hate (part 4)

1) You call someone and then change your mind and hang up before leaving a message. I hate it when they phone you back and say, "Did you call my cell? What do you want?" Umm, I don't want anything. I changed my mind and ended the call. Now why are you wasting my time!! I didn't want to talk to you then and I don't want to talk to you now.

(Note: This happened today at work. I phoned a guy's cell and changed my mind and hung up. He phoned me back and said, "Yes?" I didn't say anything. He didn't say anything. There was a long awkward pause that stretched out... Finally I gave in and told him why I had aborted the call. Bastard!)

2) I hate that there is a website where users post pictures of their poop, and the other website users make comments on the various floaties. I hate that. No more explanation needed.

3) I hate small windows. I always want to look through them when I walk past. But, since they're small, I don't see much - just a glimpse. Then I want to stop and look into the window to see what's there. If the window was large or regular-sized, I'd have little desire to look closely in the window. I'd ignore it. Small windows, on the other hand, offer only a tantalizing glance.

4) I hate when people say, "The best revenge is to live well." NO! The best revenge is to actually get revenge. Living well isn't revenge - it's living well. The point of revenge is to severely punish that person for hurting you, and especially making them know it.

5) I hate that a few years ago I worked in offices that were inside a former NBA basketball training centre and the doorways and bathrooms were HUGE. I felt like a small child. And I hate that a few years later I work in offices located inside an elementary school and everything is tiny. Why can't I work in a place that fits my body size?!

Why do people hate Sarah Palin?

It amazes me how many people hate Sarah Palin. She seems like a nice person to me.

She's obviously smart, having been a governor of Alaska. She seems to be a good mom, and she has a loving family.

Yet people badmouth her constantly. She's ridiculed in the media, bashed on blogs and ripped apart in everyday conversations.

I wonder why she's hated?

Maybe it's because she's a powerful woman? Well, that can't be true. Hillary Clinton is a woman and she wasn't hated.

Maybe it's because she's attractive? But there are plenty of attractive women in the world, and they don't seem to be hated like Sarah Palin.

Maybe it's because of her political views? Yet people are not their political views. Just like people are not their sickenesses or weaknesses or talents. Anyway, her political views aren't that extreme. She's simply a conservative, and hundreds of thousands of Americans share the exact same views.

I don't really know why so many people dislike her. It doesn't seem fair, and I feel a little sorry for her. If she happened to stop by my neighborhood, I'd say a few friendly words to her.

5 Random Things I Hate (part 3)

Five more:

1) I hate when you're cooking bacon and the pieces are getting smaller and smaller because all the grease is running off. By the time they're done - the bacon strips are tiny, shriveled little things the size of your small toe. I hate that. You eat the two-bite pieces of pig fat and you're still starving! The bacon misled you!

2) I hate when people scribble their signature and make it unreadable. Why?? I need to know who you are. Why make your signature illegible? Are you in that much of a rush that you can't take a few extra seconds to neatly write your name? I hate you and your penmanship.

3) I hate it when you have grease stains on your pants (because you have a young child who causes all sorts of stains on your clothes), right near your groin, and it never dries because it's a grease stain, and so it looks like a wet spot - specifically like you wet your pants - and you're walking around all day with these wet pants and you're trying to block the view of the wet pants by hanging your arms down and sheltering your groin with your hands. I hate that.

4) I hate people who brush or floss their teeth in a public bathroom. It grosses me out. Various molecules of feces and urine are floating in the air, and these people are rubbing these molecules into their mouths with a toothbrush. Meanwhile, there are sounds of people farting and urine splattering against porcelain and people grunting while they move their bowels. How can you possible brush your teeth in this malodorous atmosphere? I hate you.

5) I hate that all movies cost the same. Shouldn't good movies cost more than crappy ones? Shouldn't new releases cost more than movies that are weeks/months old? It's called supply and demand people! If you want to get rid of the crowds and lineups at your theatre when the latest blockbuster opens, just raise the price. The theatres will be just as profitable (if not more) and won't have as many overhead costs (hiring extra staff etc.). Of course, concession sales might drop... I hate that this idea probably won't work!

5 Random Things I Hate (part 2)

1) I hate it when you've just bought something on your credit card and they print the receipt for you to sign and the GODDAMN thing is curly. It curls up in a little ball and you have to straighten it with one hand just to sign it. The paper is so cheap and flimsy and you can hardly see the text! We can send people to the moon and we can't print out a receipt that's worth wiping my ass on!

2) Speaking of credit cards, I HATE it when they send you letters asking you to pay $50 for enhanced security on your card to protect against thieves. Or they phone you after you make a large purchase just to double check your card is valid - BUT then they mail you blank cheques every 2 weeks with your name and credit card number printed all over them! Any joe can steal your mail or steal the cheques from your garbage. I have to shred the bloody things! Idiots! If you truly care about my security don't send blank cheques in the mail - especially since I've never used one in the last 14 years I've had my credit card!!! My face is bright red right now I'm so mad.

3) When people try to look at the cover of the book or magazine that you're carrying. It's none of their business what you're reading! That's why I always turn the cover inside toward my body. Let them strain their vision trying to read the small type at the back of the book. May their eyes tear up in pain!

4) When people say, "I have no regrets." What!! Everyone has regrets. Are you just too cool to admit it? I hate you for living the perfect life. Everything about you is perfect and all your decisions have been perfect. IDIOT!

5) I hate it when you're in a hurry and you press the wheelchair button on a door so you don't have to open the door yourself, and the mechanism is so SLOW. The door moves a centimeter an hour and you're just standing there, tapping your foot, waiting for the automatic door to open, and you're realizing that you should have just opened the door with your hand, so you grab the door to pull it more open - to help it along - but the door is stiff and resistant because it's on "automatic" mode now and it's robotically moving open at a certain rate. God I hate that.

Read "Things I Hate" part 1

5 Random Things I Hate (part 1)

1) I hate when I'm reading copy on a cereal box or a package and there's a little footnote asterisk. But I can't find the footnote anywhere! I hate that! Don't put the asterisk if there's no footnote.



2) I hate it when people put ice cubes in their coffee because it's too hot. Boo hoo. Your coffee is hot. Cheeses Christ! Just wait a few minutes until it cools down. Better yet, don't buy coffee if you don't want a hot drink.


3) I hate it when people misspell "Brian" and spell "Brain" instead. Brain. Who's named brain? I hate that so goddamn much I will rage on you! Most Brian's aren't even that smart.


4) I hate the expression"free gift!" NO GUFF!! Gifts are free. That's what a gift is. Something you give someone. I'll kill you if you say free gift. All you marketing people are scum. Can you imagine if you told your spouse that for Christmas you got them a free present? You'd be struck in the face.



5) I hate it when people write "BFF" to stand for "Best Friends Forever". First of all, it's a very stupid short form. You only need short forms for phrases you repeat a lot, and why the HELL would you be repeating best friends forever more than once? Also, the whole idea of having a "best" friend becomes ludicrous after the age of 12. Grow up people! Finally, the "forever". NOTHING IS FOREVER! Friends move away, get strange, do drugs, marry idiots and have idiot families. And you have no control over most of this. They probably won't be your best friend forever. In fact, I know they won't because one day they will die and you will die and when you're both worm-meat, the only friends you have are the maggots who are eating your rotting guts!!!