I napped in the car while at work.

I used to do this when Jake was born. I'd go out to the car at lunch and recline the seat and nap for a half hour.

Then I'd go back to work after my lunch break.

Well I did it today at work - and it felt good. I heartily recommend a good nap.

I was parked in the shade so the sun wasn't too hot. Had the windows cracked open so I'd get a nice breeze.

The kids were playing far away so I wasn't bothered by their screaming voice.

Felt good.

No one really sees you either, because your seat is reclined. The only way is if they came up to your car and looked in the window.

My boss and I wore the same clothes yesterday.

Ewww, this is a gross story. Apparently my boss and I wore the same clothes yesterday to work, strictly by accident.

I swear I didn't phone her and ask her what she was wearing so we could coordinate our wardrobe.

I didn't even realize it until halfway through the day. She sits behind me so I rarely turn around and look at her. I only discovered it when I met her in the hallway on the way back from the bathrooms.

She said, "Nice shirt!" We were wearing the same shirt.

I looked at her pants, but they were different. Thank goodness.

Is this actually a benefit of a job?

Last week during my telephone interview, when we were discussing salary, she told me a range which was too low.

I told her this and she said, "Oh but don't worry, that doesn't include overtime!" She said it brightly, excitedly, like this was a huge benefit.

I said, "Pardon?"

She said, "Most companies don't pay you for overtime, but we do. That will push your salary up to your range!"

So let me get this straight. The salary is low but if I work extra long hours, I'll have an average salary? In other words, I get to work longer and harder for an average salary and this is a benefit!!! Wow!! Sounds like an amazing place to work!

The only problem is I want to work smarter not harder. I don't want a job that requires working long hours and weekends just to earn what everyone else in the industry is already making.

It's beyond me why they think this is actually a benefit. But I've come to expect that many corporations and human resources people choose to be deluded.

Act your age!

There are a few things you can you say guaranteed to make people mad. One of them is "Relax!" or "Calm down!" Another one is "Act your age!".

Speaking of this, I'm flipped through How not to act old : 185 ways to pass for phat, sick, hot, dope, awesome, or at least not totally lame by Pamela Redmond Satran.

The book is mildly interesting for about 5 seconds. It might make a good gag gift for someone's birthday if you want to tease them about age.

But reading a whole book about the topic? Pages and pages about it? Naw. It might be worth a 300 word article in a magazine. A whole goddamn book??

I do agree with one part. It says "Don't act like the mommy" at work. In other words, don't buy donuts for people or buy birthday cards or organize good bye lunches. Don't do any of that crap.

It's what old people do. Don't nanny.

Now for my opinion: When you do things like this at work it also lowers everyone's professional opinion of you. I'd say you lower your chances of getting a promotion if you're always cleaning people's dishes in the kitchen or working on a social committee.

Why? Because leaders never work on the social committee. They never buy cards for anyone or order birthday cakes. They don't care. They're leaders. That work is for the receptionists or the HR people.

Today is my one year anniversary at my current job.

I have now been working here for one full year.

It's been neither good nor bad. I'm treated decently and the work is dull.

I haven't learned anything, nor increased my skills in any major area. Nothing really bad has happened and nothing really good.

The best thing that happened was that we moved closer to my house. The worst thing that happened was we lost a couple employees so I had to do more administrative work.

I'm not upset at all that I'll be leaving this job shortly. Nor would I be upset if I had to stay another 6 months or until I found something better.

The job is entirely neutral - neither good or bad - like an Arrowroot cookie.

Will this ever happen at work?

ROWE stands for "Results Only Working Environment". It seems like every time I read a business book I hear about a successful, forward-thinking company who has abolished all meetings, attendance and schedules.

Employees can show up whenever they want and leave when ever they want. As long as they get the work done. "Results-only".

This sounds too good to be true. But the business books proclaim that this new management style makes companies more efficient, stronger, happier and their employees love it.

I'm sure they do - if it exists. I'm skeptical. First, I don't think many companies can go this route. They need schedules and meetings and managers and timetables. Most of these kind of companies profiled in business books are software development companies.

Second, the vast vast majority of managers or leaders or executives within a company believe in top-down management. They don't want their employees to have free will. They themselves worked their way up the ranks and are successful in the top-down system.

They're not going to suddenly say, "You know, as a leader, I'm not really needed even though I worked my way up into this position for 15 years. I'll let my employees have all the power."

Third, if ROWE makes companies so much more successful, why aren't all companies doing it?

Sorry, it won't happen. I'll mark this down as "a nice-sounding but totally impractical idea."

Stillface.

I think that would be a good name for a comic book character: stillface. What power does Stillface have?

The power to render you livid by keeping his face blank at all times. By not engaging or reacting to you in any way!

Especially when you're angry. His face turns to stone. Still face! You have a complete tantrum and he does nothing. No reaction.

I watched a video on Youtube where psychologists were experimenting on babies. The Mom went stillface and the baby freaked out and started tantruming.

I needed Stillface yesterday at work. A woman phoned and started ripping into me, trying to get me going. I'm sorry to say she succeeded, a little. She got me slightly riled. Not much though and I managed to end the call pretty quickly.

But I could have been more monotone and Stillface. I could have infuriated her even more! Ah well. Until next time.

Finally some excitement at work.

I've been waiting for awhile to have some excitement at work. Finally we got it. We had to cancel a sports tournament because the organizers hadn't followed some rules.

What an outcry! You'd think the world was ending with the angry phone calls and emails. These are 14 year old boys. Trust me, they'll get over it in about 24 hours.

Lots of hysterical people demanded that we be fired for enforcing the rules. Even a few people within the organization said we were in the wrong - which frankly shocks me.

If you don't want your team abiding by the rules, withdraw from the league. Play the other teams who also have agreed NOT to abide by the rules.

If you think the rules are unfair try to change them. There's a process for that.

If you none of the above applies, lead by example and teach your kids that self-sacrifice is sometimes the right thing to do.

When did you give up trying to convince your boss of anything?

I gave up after about 6 months. I realized that I was never going to change his mind, so I didn't bother trying.

Before that period I tried to persuade and argue. I was all motivated and energetic. Slowly, as I saw idea after idea never become implemented, I made fewer and fewer suggestions.

Eventually I stopped making suggestions altogether. I reasoned that since none of my suggestions were implemented, it would be useless to continue to make suggestions.

I also noticed that my boss forgot things within a few days. At first I energetically reminded him about his decisions, figuring that everyone forgets every now and then, and that it's helpful if someone reminds you.

Then I began to realize that he forgot A LOT of stuff. And would often change his mind. I began to realize that what I did ultimately didn't matter. If I reminded my boss of something, he would just forget a few days later.

Or he would remember but only partially remember and it would be a bastardized version of the original idea. Or he would forget the ultimate purpose of the idea or give credit or criticism to the wrong person.

It became clear that it was much easier to simply not do anything. I think this is called "learned helplessness". The idea here is that you can do two things when you have this kind of boss:

1) Spend a lot of energy trying to get your way, and probably failing.

2) Spend no energy trying to get your way and not failing - but then not really getting what you want.

When I spoke to people about this situation the (fatalistic) advice I got was, "You're not going to change these people's minds so don't bother. Just do what they want and concentrate your energy elsewhere."

Following this advice is certainly easy, but unsatisfying.

It's always good to have something to look forward to.

I was talking to my coworker and she said she was feeling down about the prospect of continuing to work indefinitely for our organization. I told her I felt relieved that my time here was coming to an end. Scared, but relieved.

It's always nice to have something to look forward to - even if that thing is uncertainty. Why? Because there's always a chance things will work out better. For example, I may find a better job that pays more money.

Not likely though. Most of the time things don't really get much better. But it's nice having "hope".

More than a change in my employment, I'm looking forward to the arrival of my new son and daughter. Though I'm very scared and nervous about it.

Back to my co-worker. She was trying to get me riled up on some issue here at work and I said, "You know, my concern with this problem in my life right now is here." I gestured with my hand, very low.

"My concern for my family and my future job and my future baby is up here." And I raised my hand very high above my head.

I wanted to put things in perspective for her.

My workplace has 17 different forms to fill out.

We have 17 different forms. We are a small, not-for-profit organization.

We have 2 full-time staff people and we send these forms to our over 500 members who complete the forms throughout the year, based on the situation.

Some of the forms are complicated and need signatures from different people. A couple of our forms need to be stamped by a notary or lawyer.

We have so many forms because our members created a large number of complicated rules. The rules are so complicated, that forms had to be created.

We store the forms in a large filing cabinet. Because we get such a large volume and variety of forms, and because I'm the only one responsible for the forms, I don't have time to look at them.

In other words, I receive them and file them. If I happen to notice a glaring error, I contact the person who filled out the form and ask them to do it again. Most of the time I don't bother.

In the summer we have to change all our forms because our members change the rules. We pay a lawyer to create our new forms.

He charges a lot of money. When he sends them to us, our computers can't read them because he creates them on a Macintosh computer. So I have to re-do them anyway.

Time theft is a serious crime.

Is time theft morally wrong? Let's examine the issue.

Time Theft Is Wrong

We'll define "time theft" as time spent at work not working when you should be. In other words, if you work an eight hour day and you're doing personal things outside of your 15 minute breaks, you're "stealing time".

Let's make the case of it being immoral. First, you agreed to work for your employer in exchange for a salary. Your employer has this expectation. When you waste time, you're breaking a promise to your employer.

You are also damaging your employer's ability to do business, satisfy customers and pay other employees. When you aren't working, your employer is less efficient and they make less revenue or lose more money.

So your "time theft" also hurts others who rely on the organization.

***

Time Theft is Okay

On the other hand, your employer probably has an expectation that some time theft is reasonable - as long as your important work gets done.

Also, your employer has an obligation to supply you with work (or to make clear that you need to initiate work on your own). Your employer should also supply you with the tools and training to get the work done.

If your employer does not supply you with work or with the tools to do this work, then you do not have an obligation to "complete" anything for them.

Conclusion

Overall, I conclude that there's a stronger case for arguing that time theft is wrong.

Other Points to Consider

* Would it make a difference if your own manager or boss "time theft" himself or herself? And that there was an unstated culture of time theft throughout the workplace?

* Would it make a difference if you stole time as a way of revenging some other injustice?

* How about if you stole time, but told your employer about it, so that they knew you weren't busy enough. Would that make it okay?

* What about if you realized yourself that by "time-theft" you actually made yourself more efficient and productive as an employee, because you've had that added rest. Would it still be unethical? Should you be allowed to make that judgement?

***

Note: I wrote this entry at work.

The hardest thing about my job.

Cin and I were talking last night about the hardest parts of our jobs. For her it's not being overwhelmed by work - meeting deadlines and conducting investigations as fast as possible.

I couldn't really think of anything because my job is super easy. It's mostly paperwork. Then it hit me: the hardest part of my job is dealing with my boss's mistakes.

He's very good with people - very persuasive and personable and friendly. But he's a piss poor administrator. Disorganized, really bad memory, hasty and, most of all, he makes poor decisions.

So at my work there is a constant cleaning up of messes. I'm often the one who gets the job of cleaning up the pile of crap.

Example 1.

We're moving offices. My boss was in charge of organizing the phones. Instead of making a phone call to the cable company, going to VOIP and keeping our numbers. He decides to transfer our account over with Telus, who tells we get different phone numbers and says we can't use our $1500 phones they sold us a few months ago because they don't have digital lines where we're going. For 2 weeks he proceeds to email and talk to 3 different Telus people, including a guy from India, before giving up and dumping it on my lap the day before we move. His instructions to me: "Just make sure it's all working by Monday!" I spend a morning making phone calls and figuring it all out. I get everything working in the end.

Example 2.

He tells our future landlord we need 2 rooms because we have so much junk. The landlord tells us a week before that we only get one room. I suggest to the boss that since we don't have enough space, we continue to keep off site storage. The boss disagrees. A week later I see the single room and again tell the boss it's too small. We should keep our storage space. The boss dismisses the idea and says, "We'll just have to fit it in."

Here are pictures of the move. The extra stuff is in the hallway. My boss goes on vacation and leaves me in charge of cleaning up the mess. Literally. That is all.

I like a nice, clean email inbox.

I've never understood why people keep hundreds or thousands of emails in their inbox. Don't you like a nice empty inbox? A clean box with just a few emails that have just arrived?

I like to create folders and move the emails into the appropriate folder. The fewer folders the better. "To Do", "Archive", "Hold". That's it.

This way I can keep my inbox as a to do list. Usually I start the day with about 20 emails. Then maybe another 20 arrive during the day. My goal is to get my inbox down to zero before I leave.
If I need to find an email in the past, I just do a search for key words.

Cindy hates that I've set up our home email this way. She often gets angry when she can't find an email that I've moved into a folder. She's one of those people that hold all their emails in the inbox and her system works perfectly well for her.

By the way, I also love an empty computer desktop. I try to have as few items on it as possible. I can't stand cluttered desktops. I have 5 items on my computer right now and I'd love to only have 2. The problem is I'm "sharing" a computer and I don't want to ruin my co-worker's system when she comes back from leave.

Three very satisfying things.

Here are three things that make me feel very satisfied for a brief second:

1) The smell of floor cleaner (Mr. Clean) when you mix it with hot water, and it gets all nice and soapy foamy. It smells so fresh! And clean! The actual mopping is a pain though.

2) The little beeps a cash register makes when the cashier types a number. Especially when they do it really fast. Beep, beep, beep, beep. The grocery store clerks fingers move so quickly! I admire them. I wish I could type something that gives off pleasant little beeps.

3) We have a red-ink stamp at work that says "FAXED" and "ENTERED". I love stamping piles of paperwork with these stamps. Stamp. Ahhh feels so good for a split second. One thing done. Stapling is also satisfying. The click-clack of a nice staple. Staples beat paperclips any day.

I can hear the office phone from the bathroom.

Just figured out today that I can hear our phone ring from the bathroom. Normally I wouldn't care. However, in the afternoons I'm often the only one in the office.

When I step out, I'm quite sensitive about missing phone calls. I know I shouldn't be. I mean, if someone has to call back, so what.

It's just that I can't relax while urinating or defecating when I hear the phone ringing. My first instinct is to dash back to the office - obviously impossible with my pants around my ankles.

I have dashed back. If I'm down the hall and almost at the bathroom, I'll run back if the phone rings. Once I was actually outside the building and I heard the phone. I ran back inside our office. (We're right by the front door.)

Sometimes people see me do the dash and they must think, "That guy is dedicated to taking his important phone call."

Yet almost 100% of the phone calls are unimportant and unnecessary. They ask questions which are clearly answered on our website.

A few interesting things about our phones:

• We have 4 lines and only 2 full time people. We often say, "Call on hold for you 3025" or "Call holding on 3069", which makes us feel very, busy important and big.

• I've been here 4 months and I still haven't transferred a call. I simply get up and walk to the person's office and say, "call for you on hold". I do have the one page instructions on how to transfer and I think I know how to do it, just haven't bothered yet.

• Each of our phones is a different volume. The main reception phone at the front desk is super loud. If I'm sitting there and the phone rings, I jump.

• One of the phones rings a split second before the others. So we get a mini 0.5 second warning that the phones are about to ring. This could be very handy and convenient, but is not.

• I have this huge desire to stay home one day when everyone else is gone and just forward all the office phone lines to my home phone. I'd log onto my email from home and work on my files from my home computer. Why bother going into the office in this day and age?

I wish office equipment could talk to you.

I think it would be cool if everyday office equipment (like printers or photocopiers) could talk to you. I'm thinking they could print out a label from a slot in the side of machine. The label would have a message like, "Please don't feed more than one paper into me at once."

It would be important that the office equipment have mechanical, robotic personalities. You wouldn't want them to be characters because it would just be too silly and annoying. Microsoft did that a few years ago with the paperclip and dog character. People ended up hating them.

A photocopier wouldn't be asking you about the weather or complaining about being bored. It's a photocopier. It might print out a label that says, "Change my toner soon please." Or, "I think you left my tray open."


Just short little statements like that. Every appliance or machine could have a stock of, say, 500 phrases and a short, simple chatting program that randomized the order of words, etc.

In time, we would give them personalities. "The machine's been grumpy lately." We would form very rudimentary relationships with them. Then, when they finally broke down, we'd likely buy a similar model from the same company.

So it would be a form of marketing as well. Brand loyalty.

I might have to work in my boss's house. That's gonna suck.

We're losing our office at work because we can no longer afford to pay the bills. At first, my boss said that we'd be working from home. Now she says she's setting up our new office in her basement!

That means I could be going to work at her house! Here's my day: I pull up to her driveway and ring the doorbell.

Boss (wearing track pants): Good morning.

Me: Hi, my car's blocking you in, is that ok?
Boss: Sure. Let me take your lunch. I'll put it in the fridge...

Me: Where's your bathroom?

Boss: Down the hall to your left.

Me: Hey!! Do you have any toilet paper? The roll is empty!!

Me: It's lunch, I'm just gonna step out for a minute. Is there anywhere to go around here?

Boss: You can sit on my lawn.

Boss: Hey that's the doorbell, can you get it? I'm busy.

Me: Okay, it's Jehovah's Witness, they want you to buy a pamphlet? Should I say yes?

Boss: I have to run out for a meeting. Can you lock the house up before you leave?

Me: Sure, what's your alarm code?


This will be my work day. Very mickey mouse.

How to deal with "drama" at work

In my last three jobs, I've experienced "drama" at work. Yesterday I found out that the government cut 100% of our funding. We're a small, not-for-profit. One staff person was laid off immediately. More will probably be laid off and the association could dissolve.

In my last job, our manager blew up in a meeting and went around the table insulting most of her staff, one-by-one. Then she quit on the spot. The company later closed the offices down and let everyone go.

In the job before that, the company just stopped paying us. I showed up on pay day and there was no cheque for me. I hung around a couple extra weeks, believing their promises that they would pay us and they were a little short etc., then just walked out one day. I'm still waiting for that last pay cheque...

Here's my humble advice about how to deal with drama at work.

• Don't say anything during the crisis. Stay quiet.
  
  
• Don't believe upper management's words. If you want a hint about what's going to happen, pay more attention to their actions.
  
  
• Don't get emotional or take sides directly after the event. Stay quiet and keep your head down. Make other plans. (i.e. look for a new job).
  
  
• Never ever think that you are safe. You aren't. You're very replaceable and the company you work for probably doesn't have much loyalty to you. The company you work for is also replaceable.
  
  
• It's usually pretty exciting! A crisis is a good break from the mundane, day-to-day activities. Watch everyone freak out, while you nod your head and play it cool, a knowing smile on your lips. You can freak out later at home.

Having a job really gets in the way of my playing guitar.

Since starting my new job I’ve noticed that I can’t play guitar as much. I haven’t learned as many news songs and I haven’t improved my playing style. Last year when I was unemployed, I had lots of time to play guitar.

I used to watch YouTube tutorial videos, learn guitar tabs and even order magazines and books about how to play the guitar. Now I don’t do any of that. Basically I come home from work, make dinner, clean up and go to bed.

How can I change this? I can’t bring my guitar to work because my boss would be displeased. Of course in the summer, when everyone’s on holidays, I’m often the only one in the office for the last 2 hours in the afternoon. I could bring my guitar in from my car and play at my desk.

But that wouldn’t really work either. You can see my desk from the glass front door. Anyone walking buy could see me playing guitar. I could play in the backroom beside the copier, but then my back would be facing the front door and someone could just walk in the office and I wouldn’t notice. Plus my acoustic guitar would be loud and likely heard by the other tenants.

It’s just not going to work.