Church of Latter Day Saints came to the door.

The other day there was a knock on the front door.

Two, well dressed, polite young men introduced themselves to me.

"Hello, how are you this afternoon sir? My name is Matt and this is Jason and we're going door to door talking about God."

I looked at them blankly.

"Have you ever spoken to someone from the Church of Latter Day saints before?"

I said, "No thanks, I can't talk right now."

"Could we come back at a more convenient time?"

"Sorry, no, I'm not interested."

They smiled and said, "Thank you sir. Have a good day."

I wonder if in their heads as they were walking down our front steps they were thinking, "That poor man is going to Hell. I feel sorry for him and will pray for him tonight."

Blowing bubbles.

The last few days I've been going a bit crazy blowing bubbles for Jake.

It reminded me of a fantasy I had one I was a kid. I imagined that each bubble was it's own universe, with physical laws and living beings and wars etc.

When the bubble burst, the universe ended. Some bubbles lasted longer than others and so these were the lucky "universes". But of course in the end, they would burst. Wind would throw them against a fence or the bubble would lose stability and explode in a rainbow of soap particles.

Naturally, I though that our universe too was a bubble that perhaps someone else had blown us into existence and was watching from an outside meta world that contained other "bubble universes" competing with our own.

Would ours be a long lasting universe? Or would the child stick his finger inside of us just as things got going? We'd see a beautiful rainbow explosion and then everything would end.

Thoughts on Ketchup

I remember when ketchup came in glass jars and it was so thick you had to slap the jar hard. An uncontrolled burst of ketchup would land on your plate. If you didn't shake the jar, a watery substance would leak out.

These days ketchup comes in squeezable plastic bottles. It's no longer thick, but runny. You don't have to shake it anymore.

They've fixed a lot of these ketchup problems, yet somehow there's less satisfaction in eating ketchup. It's too easy.

Spreadable lettuce.

I have a great idea for a new invention.*

Spreadable lettuce. You know how when you leave lettuce in your fridge for a long time, it gets slimy?

Well why not manufacture this process and market it as spreadable lettuce?

It can come in a jar and you just spread it on like butter. It would be sort of a thick, dark green colour, and obviously would have a rich lettuce taste.

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* Actually I stole this from my wife and added a few more details.

Liquid diets don't help you gain weight.

We weighed the kids a couple days ago. Since taking Jake off his liquid diet (last January) he's gained 20% in weight.*

Mason's still growing, but he's slowing down. Now he's only in the 60th percentile. Still big for his age though.

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* Moved from 30th percentile on the down syndrome growth chart to 50% approx.

Joe Mooney phoned.

You know you're getting old when you start telling lame Dad jokes.

We decided to spring for call display. The other day someone named Joe Mooney phoned, but didn't leave a message.

I started singing "Leave a message Mooney, moon, moon mooney" to the tune of Billy Idol's "Mony Mony".

It was hilarious and caused huge belly laughs.

There should be hundreds of people walking around our neighbourhood.

We usually go for a night time walk after dinner for a half hour or so. Most of the time we see all the same people - maybe 15 different couples or families at the most, plus a few strangers.

Our complex has hundreds of houses. I would think that at any given time there should be hundreds of people walking around.

Not even close. We've concluded that the vast, vast majority of people who live in our neighbourhood do not walk around.

I guess they stay inside or only drive their cars.

Mason smells good.

When Jake was a baby, he smelled awesome - like cookies. Mason didn't smell like that for the first few weeks and I was disappointed.

But now he does! Something changed in his body chemistry and he smells good. I like sniffing him and then making faces until he smiles.

I don't like some kids.

Yesterday at the park Jake was sitting in his stroller and we were walking toward him. Two kids, maybe 5 or 6, walked around the corner with toy light sabers. They saw Jake and said, "A baby! Let's kill it!"

Then they saw us and got all scared. They went off to the grass and started bashing each other with the light sabers.

As they were hitting each other they chanted, "Kill the baby! Kill it!"

We're in four successive star signs.

Each member of my family is in 4 successive star signs.

Mason is a Taurus. Cindy is a Gemini. Jake is a Cancer and I'm a Leo.*

Four birthdays in a 3 month period and we all managed to squeak into a different star sign. I'm not sure what this means, but it's mildly interesting.

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*TAURUS

APRIL 21 - MAY 21

GEMINI

MAY 22 - JUNE 21

CANCER

JUNE 22 - JULY 23

LEO

JULY 24 - AUG 23

5 Things Jake's better at than me.

1) Flexibility. He can bend his feet way past he head if he wanted.

2) Resisting junk food. He can easily resist chocolate, chips and ice cream.

3) Sleeping. He's a much better and deeper sleeper. He can almost sleep through anything.

4) Friendly to strangers. He can approach strangers, hug their legs and asked to be picked up. I'm much too shy.

5) Dancing. He's got some great moves. I wouldn't be able to attract as much attention as him if I danced.

I didn't like how our behavioural interventionist was so exhausted.

When you pay $1,500 to have a behavioural interventionist trained to help your son, and then you pay her $16 an hour, you don't want her to show up for work exhausted.

That's what ours did. She'd be totally exhausted from staying up all night. She'd be yawning and falling asleep and sitting on the couch, not doing anything.

She'd be drinking Red Bull at 9am when she showed up for "work", and then she'd leave her can on the counter for me to recycle.

Optimists shower.

If you have a shower or bath in the morning, you're engaging in your first act of optimism. You're saying, "I want start the day, fresh and clean."

You want to feel good. You have things to do and people to see and acts to complete.

If the world were to end or you were to disintegrate into a pile of garbage, you obviously wouldn't shower.*

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* This entry is adapted from Breakfast with Socrates : an extraordinary (philosophical) journey through your ordinary day Robert Rowland Smith

Sugar cubes are cooler.

Sugar cubes are the coolest form of sugar. It's a cube. That's cool.

You don't have to measure anything because each sugar cube is exactly one teaspoon of sugar. You don't tear open a package and contribute to paper waste and garbage.

And the coolest thing of all is that sugar cubes dissolve in your coffee. One minute it's a cube. The next it's gone.

Sugar cubes used to be used in diners and restaurants when I was a kid. Not anymore. Now it's just the sugar packets because people didn't like the idea of using a sugar cube that could have been touched by a stranger's hand.

Getting ready is a paradox.

When we say, "Let's get ready!" we're participating in a paradox. In one sense, we're inviting the unexpected to begin. We're excited about the unknown and we have a "bring it on" attitude.

On the other hand, the act of "getting ready" requires preparing for the unknown. Getting a hat if it's sunny. Bringing an umbrella. Checking the gas in the car.

So at the same time as proclaiming readiness for the world, we try to minimize any of its affect on us.*

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* This entry is adapted from Breakfast with Socrates : an extraordinary (philosophical) journey through your ordinary day by Robert Rowland Smith

Who can afford to live there?

Whenever I see a home show on TV I look at the people who own the house and ask, "What job do they have where they can own a home like that?"

Their appearance gives no clue. I'm doubtful that anyone can own a beautiful house in this day and age. Yet many people clearly do, so I'm obviously wrong.

My guess is most of the people on the home shows with gorgeous houses are professionals - accountants, lawyers, doctors or stock brokers.