McDonald's gives free samples.

I went to McDonald's for lunch yesterday and saw a girl walking around with free samples. Well, not really walking around. Mostly all the poor, grubby customers were coming to her. I think she had a tray of bite-sized hamburger cut in wedges.

She was just sort of standing there with a dazed look on her face.

This McDonald's was beautiful. It had fire places and couches and bar stools and inset televisions. It had a patio with heat lamps and a giant fireplace.

What has happened to McDonald's? What happened to the bright orange walls and the sticky, plastic booths, and the overflowing garbages, and the freaking garish paintings of Hamblurger.

That's the thing with McDonald's now. It's trying so hard to be an upscale place, but they've neglected to change the little things. They have leather couches, but you sill walk around carrying a plastic tray.

They have fireplaces and jazzy music, and you still stand in line with fellow slobs, while a bunch of teenagers yell at each other behind the counter.

Very strange. You think you're at the Keg or Starbucks for a second, then you glimpse a long cheeseburger streak along the polished marble floor.

I might have to work in my boss's house. That's gonna suck.

We're losing our office at work because we can no longer afford to pay the bills. At first, my boss said that we'd be working from home. Now she says she's setting up our new office in her basement!

That means I could be going to work at her house! Here's my day: I pull up to her driveway and ring the doorbell.

Boss (wearing track pants): Good morning.

Me: Hi, my car's blocking you in, is that ok?
Boss: Sure. Let me take your lunch. I'll put it in the fridge...

Me: Where's your bathroom?

Boss: Down the hall to your left.

Me: Hey!! Do you have any toilet paper? The roll is empty!!

Me: It's lunch, I'm just gonna step out for a minute. Is there anywhere to go around here?

Boss: You can sit on my lawn.

Boss: Hey that's the doorbell, can you get it? I'm busy.

Me: Okay, it's Jehovah's Witness, they want you to buy a pamphlet? Should I say yes?

Boss: I have to run out for a meeting. Can you lock the house up before you leave?

Me: Sure, what's your alarm code?


This will be my work day. Very mickey mouse.

Being an umpire has to be one of the worst sports careers.

Just finished reading Bruce Weber’s As They See 'Em: A Fan's Travels in the Land of Umpires. I had never been a big fan of baseball’s umpires – I always thought they had too much power, were lazy, arrogant, etc. Now I just feel sorry for them.

It has to be the worst job in sports. Everyone hates you. Booed by the fans, yelled at by the managers, ripped apart by the media and disrespected by the players. All your mistakes are displayed for the world to see, on giant screens and video replays.

The book makes it clear that the league doesn’t think much of the umpires. The general managers think of them as a necessary evil and even their own union is often divided and contentious.

It’s hard work too. There’s nothing like baseball umpiring in any other sport. In baseball, an umpire makes a call on every play of the game. Most calls are routine, but lots of calls are hard to impossible.

It’s not all bad, you make good money, right? Sure, six figures, if you make it to the big leagues. But those jobs are few and far-between, and big league umps often toil for decades in the minor leagues, working away from home for half the year, shuffled around from crappy city to crappy city, sleeping in motels and eating fast food.

Then there are the injuries. Umping is a dangerous job. They suffer from heat stroke from wearing pads in 100 degree weather, broken fingers from foul ball tips, concussions from being hit with bats, back strains from squatting hundreds of times every game.

What about the joy of being involved in baseball? Many umps tell you that umpiring sucks the fan right out of them. They no longer appreciate the game as a whole because they’re focused on judging every little instant. They don't even see some of the spectacular plays because they're eyes are focused on another part of the field.

And the little power and arrogance that they used to wield, has largely been taken away from them by the league. They're made to follow silly rules and huddle and consult. Poor umpires.

How to deal with "drama" at work

In my last three jobs, I've experienced "drama" at work. Yesterday I found out that the government cut 100% of our funding. We're a small, not-for-profit. One staff person was laid off immediately. More will probably be laid off and the association could dissolve.

In my last job, our manager blew up in a meeting and went around the table insulting most of her staff, one-by-one. Then she quit on the spot. The company later closed the offices down and let everyone go.

In the job before that, the company just stopped paying us. I showed up on pay day and there was no cheque for me. I hung around a couple extra weeks, believing their promises that they would pay us and they were a little short etc., then just walked out one day. I'm still waiting for that last pay cheque...

Here's my humble advice about how to deal with drama at work.

• Don't say anything during the crisis. Stay quiet.
  
  
• Don't believe upper management's words. If you want a hint about what's going to happen, pay more attention to their actions.
  
  
• Don't get emotional or take sides directly after the event. Stay quiet and keep your head down. Make other plans. (i.e. look for a new job).
  
  
• Never ever think that you are safe. You aren't. You're very replaceable and the company you work for probably doesn't have much loyalty to you. The company you work for is also replaceable.
  
  
• It's usually pretty exciting! A crisis is a good break from the mundane, day-to-day activities. Watch everyone freak out, while you nod your head and play it cool, a knowing smile on your lips. You can freak out later at home.

I’m often “freezing” in the summer.

Another scorcher today.

Yesterday’s post made me think about how we often experience intense cold in the summer months, as opposed to the winter. I’m thinking about suffering harsh air conditioning or jumping into a cold lake or getting an ice cream headache.
These things generally don’t happen in the winter. From November to March we experience a slight, general coldness as we shuffle from one heated environment to the next. But we don’t get that intense cold like we do in the summer.

By the way, we hear a lot in the media about how air conditioning is bad because it takes up extra energy and contributes to global warming. I’m no expert about how heating and air conditioning work – but isn’t lowering the temperature by a few degrees more energy efficient than heating a house by 25 degrees?

In the winter we heat our homes between 15 and 30 degrees, sometimes more. Surely that takes a lot more energy than cooling. Yet we never hear about how heating our homes is bad for the environment. Perhaps because cooling our homes and using air conditioning is a luxury. We don’t need to do it. Heating our homes is a necessity.

But then you can argue that people shouldn’t live in places like Canada, with their cold climates. It’s bad for the environment. People in colder climates waste too much energy changing the environment by heating it. We should all move to Hawaii.

I love the feeling of air condition blasting on me even though it can be painfully cold.

As a kid I remember my Dad blasting the air condition in the car. I remember shivering in the front seat it was so cold. Now, as an adult, I blast air condition. I guess I crave that same feeling as a kid.

I like being uncomfortably cold, especially on a super hot day (and the summer has been hot – today was 37 degrees). Because I know when I step outside, into the heat, I’ll love the feeling of the contrast – the icy cold air, clashing with the hot, dry air. I’ll say, “Ah the heat. Man it feels good…” and sort of close my eyes and sway on my feet.

Without the cold air conditioning, I’d just open the door and say, “Oh man. This sucks. I’m dying here.”

Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys is a crazy, awesome and complicated song.

Have you really listened to Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys? I mean, really concentrated on the song? It’s quite an amazing song.

1. First of all, there are tons of different instruments – from an organ and harpsichord to cello to guitar and piano.
2. The song has 7 vocalists, and a whole bunch of complicated and really interesting/effective harmonization. It only sounds like 2 or 3 vocalists at the most because they blend so well together.
3. The song has an instrument called an electro-theremin, which has a unique, ghostly high pitched, vibrato sound. Adds a lot to the song.
4. Despite all these instruments and vocals, the song is quiet and controlled. There is never too much sound, and always just enough sound to pick out certain things.
5. The song changes at least 4 times, including 2 bridges. And despite all this, it’s short – 3 minutes and change.
6. According to Wikipedia, it took 26 different recording takes. The song was recorded in pieces, in different studios. They recorded over 90 hours of music for the song – and again the song is only 3 min long.
7. It’s written in a strange key – e flat or e flat minor. Not many songs are written in that key.
8. It was the number one on billboard charts in 1966. It’s routinely voted as one of the best all time rock songs ever in various contests.

It’s July 25 and I haven’t cut my grass yet.

I haven’t got around to it. I don’t have a lawn mower. Our front yard is so small I can barely justify buying a lawn mower.

Our neighbour has been mowing our lawn for us. It’s a bit annoying because I didn’t ask him to. He started off mowing half our lawn, just because it’s such a small area and it’s directly adjacent to his.

Then I guess he got fed up with the tall grass on the other side of the lawn so he mowed that too. Now I feel indebted to him. I need to reciprocate somehow and I don’t want to.

Also, his lawn mower cuts the grass too short and it’s been hot lately. Now all our grass is brown. At least when our grass was long, it looked green. It didn’t even look long because it had reached the point where the long grass stalks tipped over, flattening themselves. The lawn actually looked decent at first glance.

Now it just looks dead and brown.

• Why do we cut our lawns anyway? We don’t like them long? Then why don’t we feel compelled to cut natural grasses in the forests or fields?
• If we have such respect for nature and its wildness, why are we using machines to cut grasses?
• Consider the amount of time you waste cutting your grass. You never get this time back – and it’s usually your most valued time: weekends or holidays in nice weather during the summer. And there you are cutting grass instead of spending time with your family or travelling or socializing.
• What about the gasoline or electricity you waste on powering a lawn mower. What about the water you waste keeping your lawn wet? Wouldn’t the best thing for planet Earth be to NOT cut your grass?

My son can read. He’s two years old and has Down syndrome.

On Jake’s two year birthday we were showing him some reading cue cards and I showed him the word “Hi”. He waved. I showed him a bunch of other words, then back to hi. He waved again.

Then I showed him the word “clap”. And he clapped. Today, I showed him the word “nose” and he touched his nose.

He’s two and has Down syndrome. We’ve been signing to him since he was about 6 months old. He stared signing back when he was around a year old. Now he knows more than 80 signs.

We just started the reading thing a few days ago. He loves it. Gets very excited. His default answer to most of the cue cards is “Mom, mom, mom.”

When he reads “clap”, we praise him and clap. He gets excited and starts clapping for the next few cue cards. Very cute.

It’s hard to describe how amazing it is to see your son learn. Especially when your son has challenges and obstacles most people never have to face.

Having a job really gets in the way of my playing guitar.

Since starting my new job I’ve noticed that I can’t play guitar as much. I haven’t learned as many news songs and I haven’t improved my playing style. Last year when I was unemployed, I had lots of time to play guitar.

I used to watch YouTube tutorial videos, learn guitar tabs and even order magazines and books about how to play the guitar. Now I don’t do any of that. Basically I come home from work, make dinner, clean up and go to bed.

How can I change this? I can’t bring my guitar to work because my boss would be displeased. Of course in the summer, when everyone’s on holidays, I’m often the only one in the office for the last 2 hours in the afternoon. I could bring my guitar in from my car and play at my desk.

But that wouldn’t really work either. You can see my desk from the glass front door. Anyone walking buy could see me playing guitar. I could play in the backroom beside the copier, but then my back would be facing the front door and someone could just walk in the office and I wouldn’t notice. Plus my acoustic guitar would be loud and likely heard by the other tenants.

It’s just not going to work.

Why do smokers throw their cigarettes out the car window?

I believe you have the right to smoke. I don’t believe you have the right to throw your cigarettes out the window. It’s rude and dirty and inconsiderate. What goes through your mind when you toss a cigarette out the window?

Kelowa and the surrounding area is on fire. People are being evacuated from their homes. The air is smoky. The highway is closed. It’s all over the news.

A few days ago a guy driving down the road in Kelowna tossed his lit cigarette out the window. Started another fire.

I’m exasperated.

Cindy said, “If you’ve been tossing cigarettes out the window for 20 years, you’re not gonna just stop.”

Even if you’ve had a week of 35 degree weather and you live in desert scrub and your town is burning?