I'm trying a new driving experiment: smiling at people.

I noticed on the commute that at red lights I often look over at the car beside me. Somehow, at the same time, they look at me. (I think they see my head move out of the corner of their eye.)

Normally, I'm embarrassed for being "caught" looking at them, so I quickly look away. My face is in the perpetual driving scowl, which is so common on the roads.

No one ever smiles. Likewise, I never smile. This is going to change starting today! I'm going to document one full week of trying to smile at people who I see. Also, I'm going to give them a quick nod of my head, a quick "hello".

Here are the results:

Day 1: Tried catching the eyes of 3 people on the way to work. Not one of them looked back at me. One guy tail gated me, however, and I could see him motioning with his hand saying "cmon, move forward". That was silly because there was nowhere to go. I got angry and kept flashing my brakes at him. Bastard!

Day 2: Still no success. I looked over at one dude and he seemed to be staring over my head. Beady eyes, huge pick up truck, unshaven. I was immediately scared so I looked away.

Day 3: Noticed a lot of people listening to ipods in their cars. One guy passenger was listening to an ipod while his wife drove and had no ipod. A lot of fun in that household. Tried the smile at a gas station to someone who pulled up behind me, but I looked away before they could smile or frown back so I don't know the result. Maybe they didn't even see me.

Day 4: Hmmm, too tired today to make a strong effort. This is actually quite hard. Hard to remember to look at people and when I do, hard to remember to smile. I pulled up to one woman and kept staring over at her, hoping to catch her eye - as we were in a jam for awhile. I must have looked super freaky. The weird guy staring at her from the car in the next lane. She never even glanced in my direction.

Day 5: I looked over at some dude and couldn't tell if he was looking at me or not. He had huge sun glasses on. So I didn't smile. Didn't want to look like an idiot, smiling at nobody. That's it for the week. Overall, the experiment was a huge fail.

"If I were you I would..."

That statement is just so illogical. If you were me, you would do exactly as I just did - because you would be me.

You'd have no choice. If you were me, you would have experienced the exact same conditions in my life that caused me to do what I just did or choose what I just chose.

However, if you weren't me (which you are clearly not), then you may have made a different choice. I'm sure this is what you mean.

More interestingly, the topic brings up the whole idea of free will. Think of a major decision you made in the past. Now could you have chosen otherwise?

At first thought you might say yes, of course you could have. But then why didn't you?

I'd argue the answer is no - you could not have chosen otherwise. You think you could because it seems like you could have, yet ultimately, your choice could have been predicted by a supreme being or computer that had known everything that happened in your life plus every physical action in the universe.

We like to think that we have free will. It's important that we think this, otherwise we might as well let all criminals out of jail. But, in fact, free will is just another illusion that we puny humans need to help us cope and survive in the world.



That is all.

I just want to play video games all day.

Actually, what I want to do is book a week off work, send Jake to daycare and send Cindy to her job. I want to open a beer, shut the blinds of my house and turn on NHL 09 on the PS3.

Then I want to play it for 8 hours a day. Full out for one full week. I want to create a new season in dynasty mode and be the coach, gm and player for 25 seasons in a row - doing draft picks, trades, plays and of course playing 80 game seasons.

Why? I have no idea. I guess it stems from being a kid and loving hockey. I guess part of me never grew out of it. I could just lose myself in the simulation. I could neglect cooking and cleaning and child-rearing.


Just become this self-destructive video game dude. When it's over, I'd like to brag about how I did in my season. If I won the Stanley Cup. My various team member stats.

My wife would be impressed. She'd say, "I'm so glad I married a man like this! He knows how to have fun!"

My son would be impressed. He's sign, "My Dad is one of the coolest guys I know. He loves playing games and one day he'll teach me how to play PS3 hockey."

My boss would say in a letter of recommendation, "Mr. Johnstone displayed outstanding initiative and competence."

It's a win-win, all round.

This is how real estate agents today sell your house.

You: I’d like to sell my house with you.

Agent: Great! Here’s my card. I won a whole bunch of awards and I [describes the marketing they do for you].

[2 months later]

You: I haven’t had any offers! No one has come to see my place!

Agent: Your price is too high. You need to lower it.

You: But my price is fair value.

Agent: All the other houses in your area are selling for less. Lower your price.

You: OK.

[1 month later]

You: Thanks.

Agent: No problem. I’m glad I could help. Call me next time you buy or sell.
Here’s my card.

Jake's Gtube fell out yesterday so we rushed ot the hospital.

Stressful day yesterday. In the afternoon I get a call from the daycare saying that his tube has fallen out (and so there's a hole in his stomach). Normally, this isn't a problem. You put it back in. Or get a new gtube.

Problem is the daycare didn't notice for 3 hours. So the hole started to close. So Cindy and I rush to daycare, pull down his shirt and gasp with shock. The hole is a tiny little pinprick. We rush to the hospital and beg them to hurry up and give us a catheter.

If the hole closes, Jake needs another stomach surgery. That's a major surgery with possibly 2 weeks in the hospital.

The triage nurse is moving slowly. We insist it can be treated in 2 minutes. "Give us a catheter, now!" She says she cannot. A nurse and doctor have to come to look at the size. I tell her it's size 8.

The nurse says people are having heart attacks. I say, "But I can do it myself right this second. The hole is almost closed..."

Ahh good times.

In the end, they moved him back to a bed pretty fast and we got size 8 in him. A few hours later we eventually made the hole bigger by trying bigger sizes until the g-tube fit.

My lessons:

1) Get Jake out of daycare.

2) Have daycare move him to hospital in ambulance if this happens again. We can meet them there.

3) Buy a whole bunch of catheters from medical supply store.

When I re-read my blog I notice a lot the entries are pretty bad.

Often my blog entries that I think will be awesome, suck. Especially when I read them over again later. I think, “Oh that’s just weak.”

I’m frequently disappointed at my blog, and when I read an especially disappointing entry, I think back to the time when I first had the idea for the entry – it was such at time of hope!

I may have smiled or chuckled to myself, as I imagined typing out the entry. I may have told someone, “Hey listen to my awesome idea for my next blog entry.” And then I remember sitting and typing it out, half smile on my face, foot tapping against the carpet in excitement. “This entry is going to get so many comments!”

Then I read it over again a week later and it just sucks.

I deliberately hurt myself today.

About a month ago my wife and I saw a cashier at the grocery store with cuts all over her arms. She was young, and she wore a short sleeved shirt. My wife said she was a “cutter”.

From a random website:

Cutting seems to be the most common type of self-injury. "Cutters" often use razors, utility knives, scissors, needles, broken glass, or whatever they find to make repetitive slices on their arms, legs or other body parts. Some people burn themselves with cigarettes or lighters, others pull out their own hair. Many people who self-injure say they do it because they normally feel "numb" and cutting helps them to "feel alive." http://www.essortment.com/articles/self-injury_100006.htm

I don’t understand how someone could do that to themselves. Then yesterday, I realized I was engaging in self-injury by repeatably eating “Ice Breakers Sours Mints”.

I ate 5 sour mints and used my tongue to grind them into a sore spot in my mouth. I just kept grinding them until it hurt. It felt good at the same time.

During dinner, I kept wincing because I was eating spicy salsa with my taco and the food kept hitting the sore spot in my mouth.

How to praise your kids.

I'm reading Nurtureshock : new thinking about children by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman. The latest parenting research shows that there's a certain way you should praise your kids.

Basically, you should be sparing in your praise. Overpraising tends to be ineffective after awhile. Kids take it for granted.

You shouldn't praise them by saying how smart they are. That gives them a complex and makes them afraid to try new things because they might fail. Instead, you should praise their effort.

You should be specific in your praise. Instead of, "You're such a good boy" or "You played really well", you should be more constructive. "I liked how you listened to me!" and "Great running!" It gives kids an idea what they should improve.

You should praise your children intermittently, rather than all the time. It's more effective. (Like slot machines with random payouts at a casino.)

Doing the above sounds easy, but it actually pretty tough for parents. We equate praise with basically telling our kids we love them. So we do it too much, and all the time. It makes us feel better about our parenting skills. And generally we're taught that we should improve our kids' self-esteem. Praising is an easy way to do this.

Here'a a great business idea.

I hate it when I'm walking past a window and I glance at it to see inside the store, but it's too reflective to see inside, and instead I see an image of my body - this huge, ugly fat guy and I think, "Who's that dude?" and then realize a second later that he's me - that I am rotund and awkward and a bit freaky looking.



So my business idea is a type of reflective glass that is angled in such a way that it makes you look slim and tall. That way when you look at it, you think, "Who's that hot dude?" and realize a second later that it's you. YOU!



Then everyone would start walking past the store and looking at the glass.



Except, now I'm thinking that no one would actually go inside the store, which is the whole point of windows and window displays. To get people inside and buy the stuff.



Maybe this isn't such a great business idea.

I don't like it when people read their speeches.

I think if you're taking the time to sit and listen to someone speak, you shouldn't have to be subjected to someone standing up and reading.

I understand why people read their speech - it's because they're nervous and poor at public speaking. I get it. I don't hate it; I just don't like it.

If I wanted to read, I could have read. They could have just made a photocopy of their speech and gave it to me. Then I could have read it in about a quarter of the time.

Part of the joy of hearing someone speak is getting the nuances and charisma and emotion and humour. You don't get any of that if you're watching someone read.

Cue cards are okay. Occasionally glancing down at your notes is okay. Staring down at your notes and occasionally glancing up at the audience, not okay. Reading a teleprompter, not okay.

What I'd love to see is someone starting off a speech, reading awkwardly from their notes and then suddenly getting brave and discarding them, and talking from the heart. Even if they made lots of mistakes, it would be awesome.

There's no such thing as a "recession".

Sorry, but "recessions" don't exist. It's just a word made up by the media to make us feel worried.

When the news is slow, a person at a newspaper says, "Hmm, what should I write about. Hey - what about the economy? I didn't get a raise this year; we must be having a recession!"

Then they phone an investor or a bank and ask if we're in a recession. The person at the bank has no idea and says, "I'll crunch some numbers and get back to you."

They look at some government statistics and type some stuff in their calculator and say, "YES! We're in a recession."

Then the newspaper prints the article, and all the other banks read it and say, "Yes we are!" because they don't want to be left out.

How do I know there's no such thing as a recession? Ask a random person to define a recession. No one will be able to. There's no definition. The Economist magazine says that it's a negative GDP two quarters in a row, but even they admit that the definition doesn't work and is outdated.
Basically a recession means we're not making as money as we should be. That's pretty vague. We can still afford food, clothes and shelter, but we can't afford amazing food, clothes and shelter.

Basically a recession means we're still super rich compared to 99% of the world and 99% of all humans who have ever lived, but we're not super super super rich. We're just plain old super rich.

Boo hoo.

One day they will suddenly announce that the "recession is over". And nothing will be any different.

Just like they said the financial system was "collapsing" and in "chaos". I just looked out the window and don't see any riots in the streets.

Here are some more observations about "recessions":

I love them because it's a break. It's a break from all that hard work making money. It means more downtime and relaxing. More layoffs etc. Less work to do.

Companies love them too because it's an excuse to layoff the slackers or sell crappy parts of the company or cut wages, etc. It's an excuse to tighten the belt.

Governments love them because it's either an excuse to spend more money (Obama's stimulus) or an excuse to cut money (BC Liberals cutting funding). Also they have the perfect excuse for when things go wrong. "The recession!" and "Things are worse than we thought!"

You never hear the word "depression" anymore. And by the way, depressions don't exist either. A few years ago a couple scientists proved that markets were too efficient nowadays for a depression. They won the Nobel prize for economics.

Recessions are good because it gets rid of the crappy employees and crappy companies. It cleans up society's trash, and lets us start all over.

So basically I'm going to enjoy this fake recession while it lasts.

Jake likes to play in a corner.

The daycare first told us a few weeks back that Jake loves to go to the corner and just sit there and play by himself, with his back is facing everyone else.

I didn't really believe it, then I noticed one day at daycare that he led me over to the corner. He kind of just leaned in. At home I've noticed it more often. He's usually carrying a toy and he scoots over on his bum and likes to wedge the toy into the corner.

This is a bit saddening if it's a social mechanism to avoid other people. Hopefully it's more of a quirk - he likes the way the walls angle into a corner. Probably just a phase.

By the way, I didn't know as a parent how many "phases" kids seem to go through. They seem quite random, and the lengths vary from a few days to a few months. I guess it's all part of growing up and exploring different behaviours.

Narcissitic gifts to buy for people in your family.

I think it's great to send your family and friends narcissistic gifts. For example, after I've worked on this blog for one full year, I'm going to self-publish a book with all the entries and send it to family members for Christmas and birthdays. They'll love it!

Here are a few other great gift ideas:

A full-sized poster of your smiling face, with an autograph at the bottom signed "With love" in black magic marker.

Framed copies of your old report cards. A great one for the parents, especially if the report cards have good grades. You can attach a note that says, "Here are my old report cards - the good grades are thanks to you!"

Some old items of clothing, with a note describing how often you wore the pants and why you liked them so much.

A home made music CD of you singing and playing songs. Obviously, you want to choose family favourite songs. During Christmas, you want to throw some carols in there.

Where are all the chiropractors coming from?

Why are there so many chiropractors around. I don't understand it.

A few years ago, you had to look in the phone book if you wanted a chiro. A few years before that you had to drive to another part of town. A few years before that, there weren't chiropractors.

And when I was a kid they were almost unheard of. They existed, but they might as well have been on the moon.

Now you throw a rock out your window and it will hit a chiropractor clinic. You walk in, and they're empty. The secretary is playing solitaire on the computer and the chiro is in the back room reading the paper.

The waiting room has aging posters and magazines about how it's important to get adjusted. There are a few posters of the spine and some fancy words that tell you how screwed up your are.

The chiros themselves are awkward people. They're just a bit off. You can't quite pinpoint it, but it has to do with social skills. Maybe they talk to fast or too soon or interrupt or don't look at you quite right in the eye. Hard to describe.

I did a quick interview of a chiro I know. Here it is:


Me: why are there so many chiropractors around?
chiro: We fall for the image of easy money easy job

Me: but where do they come from?
Chiro: Chiro skools all over north america. One in canada

Me: only one, but there are hundreds of thousands of them around
Chiro: Yup. No limits to how many. Md's were smart they have limits. So always busy. Chiros think the more the better

Me: but that means the market is saturated. more chiros then needed, means less business for chiros

Chiro:Yup

Me: idiots!

Changeling is the most depressing movie I've ever seen.

Recently watched Clint Eastwood's Changeling starring Angelina Jolie. Oh man, what a depressing flick. I simply can no longer watch movies in which children are harmed or killed or brutally die. As a parent, it just hurts too much.

The movie is a parent's nightmare. If any of the stuff happened to a real parent they'd simply go insane. And in fact, there's a scene in which they're about to shock Angelina's brain into mush inside an insane asylum.

The movie is one horrible, depressing scene after another. No parent should watch it. In fact, there should be a new parent-rating criteria sort of like the R-rated and PG-rated etc. It should be something like "NP - No parent may watch this movie unless accompanied by a non-parent adult."

5 Random Things I Hate (part 1)

1) I hate when I'm reading copy on a cereal box or a package and there's a little footnote asterisk. But I can't find the footnote anywhere! I hate that! Don't put the asterisk if there's no footnote.



2) I hate it when people put ice cubes in their coffee because it's too hot. Boo hoo. Your coffee is hot. Cheeses Christ! Just wait a few minutes until it cools down. Better yet, don't buy coffee if you don't want a hot drink.


3) I hate it when people misspell "Brian" and spell "Brain" instead. Brain. Who's named brain? I hate that so goddamn much I will rage on you! Most Brian's aren't even that smart.


4) I hate the expression"free gift!" NO GUFF!! Gifts are free. That's what a gift is. Something you give someone. I'll kill you if you say free gift. All you marketing people are scum. Can you imagine if you told your spouse that for Christmas you got them a free present? You'd be struck in the face.



5) I hate it when people write "BFF" to stand for "Best Friends Forever". First of all, it's a very stupid short form. You only need short forms for phrases you repeat a lot, and why the HELL would you be repeating best friends forever more than once? Also, the whole idea of having a "best" friend becomes ludicrous after the age of 12. Grow up people! Finally, the "forever". NOTHING IS FOREVER! Friends move away, get strange, do drugs, marry idiots and have idiot families. And you have no control over most of this. They probably won't be your best friend forever. In fact, I know they won't because one day they will die and you will die and when you're both worm-meat, the only friends you have are the maggots who are eating your rotting guts!!!

I can hear the office phone from the bathroom.

Just figured out today that I can hear our phone ring from the bathroom. Normally I wouldn't care. However, in the afternoons I'm often the only one in the office.

When I step out, I'm quite sensitive about missing phone calls. I know I shouldn't be. I mean, if someone has to call back, so what.

It's just that I can't relax while urinating or defecating when I hear the phone ringing. My first instinct is to dash back to the office - obviously impossible with my pants around my ankles.

I have dashed back. If I'm down the hall and almost at the bathroom, I'll run back if the phone rings. Once I was actually outside the building and I heard the phone. I ran back inside our office. (We're right by the front door.)

Sometimes people see me do the dash and they must think, "That guy is dedicated to taking his important phone call."

Yet almost 100% of the phone calls are unimportant and unnecessary. They ask questions which are clearly answered on our website.

A few interesting things about our phones:

• We have 4 lines and only 2 full time people. We often say, "Call on hold for you 3025" or "Call holding on 3069", which makes us feel very, busy important and big.

• I've been here 4 months and I still haven't transferred a call. I simply get up and walk to the person's office and say, "call for you on hold". I do have the one page instructions on how to transfer and I think I know how to do it, just haven't bothered yet.

• Each of our phones is a different volume. The main reception phone at the front desk is super loud. If I'm sitting there and the phone rings, I jump.

• One of the phones rings a split second before the others. So we get a mini 0.5 second warning that the phones are about to ring. This could be very handy and convenient, but is not.

• I have this huge desire to stay home one day when everyone else is gone and just forward all the office phone lines to my home phone. I'd log onto my email from home and work on my files from my home computer. Why bother going into the office in this day and age?

I want to write a "manifesto".

Why do crazy people always write manifestos? What is a manifesto anyway? I think it's a political statement - often written by insane people with extreme views.

Here are some sections of random manifestos I've found on the internet.

• "Unnameable parts of no whole short circuit the code recognition programs flipping surveillance agents into hyperdrive which spew out millions of bits of corrupt data as they seize in fits of schizophrenic panic and trip on terror."

• "We propose a reversal of priorities in favor of more useful, lasting and democratic forms of communication - a mindshift away from product marketing and toward the exploration and production of a new kind of meaning."

• "Sons of the sun, mother of living creatures. Fiercely met and loved, with all the hypocrisy of longing: importation, exchange, and tourists. In the country of the big snake.
  It’s because we never had grammatical structures or collections of old vegetables."

• "we will reek our garlic breaths into the onion-skinned mouths of our lovers!we will pepper our thoughts with salty kisses!we will lose ourselves in the Garden of Eden!!!"

• "We believe that this racist government has robbed us and now we are demanding the overdue debt of forty acres and two mules."

• "absolute submission can be a form of freedom. abstraction is a type of decadence. abuse of power comes as no surprise"
  

I want to write a manifesto one day, but I really need to grow my hair longer and stockpile weapons and live in a secluded, wooded area. Also, I need some scary opinions and some gibberish, stream-of-conciouss language to put this all on paper.

Then I need to kill some people and end my own life.

We shouldn't ever rely on the government.

Another post regarding Anderson Cooper's Dispatches from the Edge. He said that during disasters the government is never a "first responder". In other words, if the government bothers to come to your rescue at all, it always comes much too late. In many countries the government doesn't bother to come at all.



The perfect local example is Hurricane Katrina in 2005. Remember all the people stuck at the convention centre for a week with no food, water or medical help? All those people stuck on the roofs of their houses? The bodies floating around for weeks?



Cooper said that during disaster it's individuals who go in and help people. This brings up a good point: Never rely on the government.



Sorry, but the government will not solve all your problems. The government will not rescue you in a major disaster or give you enough money if you're poor or look after you if you're sick. They say they will and they'll charge you high taxes for it.



They might even do a little bit for a little while. But in the end, the government will fail. You will be disappointed. Conservatives recognize this; Libertarians even more so; Liberals - not so much.



The reasons the government ultimately fails are a topic for another (longer) post. In the mean time, plan to take care of yourself. Assume that government programs and institutions won't help you much.

We seek the familiar.

Just finished Dispatches from the Edge by Anderson Cooper. In the memoir he describes the depression he felt growing up as he dealt with the death of his father and suicide of his older brother.

To help ease the pain he went toward more pain. Wars, famines, natural disasters and genocides. He booked the first flight to whatever place in the world happened to have the most suffering. Then he and his camera crew took images of dead children, mangled bodies, ruined villages and destroyed lives.

It seems a bit counter intuitive that someone with so much pain, took a job centered around pain. He explains it as "not having any feeling" during mundane, day-to-day activities. Going to a restaurant, celebrating New Year's Eve, hanging out with friends - all felt unreal to him. He felt nothing. So he jumped at the opportunity to dodge sniper fire or interview grieving parents.

I vaguely remember Oprah once telling a guest that people "do what is familiar to them". If you grew up knowing domestic violence, as an adult you put yourself in a situation with domestic violence because that's what you know.

What a sad fact about life. I would think we'd be enriched if we sought new experiences. Or if we at least recognized that we experienced a bad situation and so we consciously choose not to continue the experience in a different form as we get older.

I guess that's what therapy is for. To discover this for ourselves.

I don't have any survival skills in case civilization collapsed.

If civilization collapsed, I'd be in trouble. I think I could survive a few months. Maybe a few years if I'm lucky. But eventually I'd perish through disease, starvation or injury. I really should upgrade my survival skills.

What skills do you need to survive a collapse of civilization? Here are my suggestions:

Camping and outdoor skills
Living in a tent, cooking with propane, starting fires, fishing - all these outdoor skills would come in handy.

Guns and weaponry
You'd have to defend yourself from marauders. You need to learn how to load, clean and fire an array of guns - shotgun, rifle and maybe a handgun. Knives as well.

Hunting and cleaning animals
Learning how to hunt would be critical. As well as cleaning game, and preparing and curing meat.

Basic farming
If you plan on staying in any one spot, you should try to use the land. You should learn basic irrigation, seed planting and harvesting.

Basic Medical
I'd suggest looting a pharmacy and getting a good supply of anti-biotics, acetaminophen and aspirin. Take a medical textbook if there are any left. Also, a few first aid kits. Infections will probably be rampant and you should know how to treat them.

Carpentry and woodwork
Nice to have but not strictly necessary. Within a few years buildings will begin to crumble and fall apart. With basic carpentry skills you could build a house for yourself. Later, you could build furniture and tables and beds.


Electronics and Electricity
Another nice to have, but not strictly necessary. You want to be able to repair electronics, build circuits and make use of batteries and electricity.


Machinery and engine
Maintaining and repairing car engines, and knowing how to syphon gasoline is a definite plus. You may need the use of various vehicles to move from one part of the country to another or to travel long distances for supplies.

Aptitude not attitude.

I was trying to read The Intention Experiment: Using Your Thoughts to Change Your Life and the World by Lynne McTaggart and just had to abandon the book.

It's simply too silly to continue to waste time on. McTaggart is one of the endless parade of new agey dupes who think that you can actually physically change reality by thinking really hard about something. The reason: quantum mechanics. Ooga booga!

I got about 50 pages into the book before realizing their wasn't a skeptical bone in McTaggart's body. I guess there have always been people around who think this. Philosophers have a name for it: solipsism. It's also called "mental masturbation" because it's endlessly engrossing and totally useless.

Now the people who believe this have scientific proof! Quantum mechanics! Because, you see, our consciousness influences sub-atomic particles! And that means, if you extrapolate, that your thoughts also influence events in the universe!

What a silly jump to an even dumber conclusion. First, most physicists will tell you that quantum mechanics is way too complex to understand. Second, how can you go from a double-slit sub-atomic particle experiment to "your thoughts control the universe"? Third, the "scientists" who believe this stuff can only get their experiments published in discredited, pseudo-scientific journals like the "psychical research journal".

This is all the rage nowadays. It started with The Secret (2006) by Rhonda Byrne. But really before that the classic book on the topic was The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. The only difference is those early books about positive thinking didn't use "magic" or "quantum mechanics". Peale used God to help people stay positive and motivated.

The worst thing about this solipsism is not what it says, it's what it implies. If you control the universe with your mind then all the bad things that have happened to you are your fault! Guess what, your child died of cancer because you wanted it to happen! Your leg was amputated in the car accident because you told the universe to do it!

What a deplorable and irresponsible view of the world.

Here's a little bit of common sense: It's great to have a good attitude, but success comes mostly from aptitude. The people with the most talent, best work ethic and most suitable skills, end up with the most success. And through random chance bad shit will happen to outstanding people and good shit will happen to the most vile. It's called life.

Put your head down, try to stay positive and work hard at what you love. Don't waste time reading books that make irresponsible and fantastical claims.

Scariest t-shirt I've ever seen.

I just saw a guy in a Tim Horton's lineup wearing a t-shirt that said:

"I need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale. It can not be corrected but I have no other way to fulfill my needs."

Yikes. Who would wear a shirt like that? From the back he looked a bit scary. Ball hat, grubby jeans, slim, messy hair in a ponytail.

I looked at him as he turned around and he actually had a pleasant face. Young man, early 20s, student I would say.

I glanced around at the other people in the lineup and no one else seemed concerned, or even seemed to have noticed. Maybe they did and were just playing it cool like me.

He didn't look like he had a gun and so I didn't feel in immediate danger, but I did think, "This guy could be a ticking time bomb." Then I thought if you really planned on killing a bunch of people would you wear a shirt advertising the fact?

It would be a funny, sort of sick joke I guess. When he turned further around I was more relieved. The front of the shirt was actually an image from the movie American Psycho. The quote on the back must have been from the movie then. Phew.

That was one scary t-shirt!

What attribute would you give all children?

If you could give all children a powerful attribute, what would you give them? For example, if you gave children "patience", suddenly they would be super patient. They would never cry or whine whenever they didn't get what they want right this second!

My first thought would be "self-esteem". But then I don't think that would be so great because it could lead to selfishness or self-obsession, which I think our culture promotes way too much.

Cindy said she'd give them "persistence". Never give up. I think giving up is a good characteristic - or at least an underrated one. We all should know when to give up and move on.

What about intelligence? We'd have a bunch of smart alecs running around correcting our grammar. The good news is that when we're old they would have likely fixed all the problems we created and would keep us alive in dream pods or machines that trick our brains into thinking we're living in a perfect, heaven-like world. Tempting.

What about "morality"? Bor-ring. We need evil. We need a few kids growing up evil to keep us on our toes. All our stories and movies and books are essentially good vs. evil.

I think I would give kids "self-discipline". That would mean controlling urges and would basically eliminate tempers, bad habits, drug addiction and boozing. Kids would grow up fitter, happier and healthier. We could all use more self-discipline.

Jake plays with a doll.

The daycare told us that Jake likes one of the dolls; so we went to Zellers and bought a huge baby doll. We tried to get the least ugly one because some of them were freaky.

We use the doll to "model" behaviours for Jake. For example, brushing his teeth is a bit of a struggle. We gave Jake the toothbrush and asked him to brush the "baby's" teeth. He seems to love it. We also get him to brush the baby's hair, but he just bashes the baby's head with brush.

We say, "be gentle", but that doesn't work too well. Sometimes he gets mixed up and brushes the baby's mouth with the hairbrush. Also, he'll often brush the baby's eyes and face instead of his teeth.

We also tell Jake that the baby's sleeping now. We lay it down and pull the blanket over it. Then he smiles and signs "sleep".

Soon we're going to start "feeding" the baby.

You need to be a MAN!

Women want a real man. Not a pussified, wimpy man. A real man. They say they don't, but they do. So here's my guide on how to be a real man.

1) Don't stand outside the shower, feeling the water temperature with your hand until it's just right. Don't be a puss. Go into the shower, turn on the water and bear it until it heats up. Go hardcore and be a man.

2) Don't take a little twinkle. Wait until your bladder is bursting full and then go to the bathroom and piss like a racehorse for 3 full minutes.

3) Shirts are optional. As a guy you have a right to walk around bare-chested. And the uglier and fatter your body, the more obliged you are to go shirtless. Be proud of your beer gut.

4) Don't go to the doctor unless you're dying. "Thanks for seeing me doctor. I have this twinge of pain in my knee whenever I do this..." NO! Be a goddamn man. Unless you can't walk because you're in agony or have late stage brain cancer you shouldn't go to the doctor.

5) Don't vacuum the floor mats of your car. Oh my god are you a fricken housekeeper or are you a man!!!??? If your car mats get dirty you grab them with your hand, step out of your vehicle and you beat the dirt out of them.

6) Don't bake cookies. In fact, don't "bake" anything. You're a man. You use the barbecue or a grill or a frying pan and that's it. If you want baked cookies go to grandma's house you wuss!!!

7) Don't drink bottled water. What are you, European? You drink water from the tap. And you don't use a glass. You turn on the water and you put your mouth under it. You don't let the water run. Better yet you only drink beer.

8) Don't use an elliptical exercise machine. That is way too feminine. Just imagine how you look to all the women and all the real men out there! You're sticking your butt in the air and moving your arms like you're cross-country-wussy skiing down a catwalk. Get outside and push a car or chop firewood or sprint down the middle of a football field!

9) Hand sanitizer??? Are you nuts? What, you touched a dirty door knob and now you have to rub your hands down with anti-bacteria alcohol? God help you sir! Your only hand sanitizer should be your own piss. You urinate on your hands if you want to kill the germs. That's it.

Now be a man and watch the women come running to you!

Our son's caregiver resigned with 8 working days notice.

Grrrr. We have basically a week to search, hire and train a caregiver for our disabled son. Our current caregiver left a note in our house saying she was resigning.


We knew this would eventually happen as daycare workers seem to come and go. This one lasted a year.


Definitely would have been nice to have a bit more notice - as we both have full time jobs. It's not as simple as hiring a babysitter. We need to coordinate with the daycare, the community nurse and a community organization to help us find someone.

Mostly this hurts Jake. He's grown attached to her and she knows his signs and communication techniques. She knows how to feed him through a gastric tube, and how to help him develop physically. (She's been working with the physiotherapist.)

In the end we will have to take Jake out of daycare and have one of us at home full time. We see this now. It is inevitable unless we want Jake to have a string of caregivers who don't care and whom he can't really communicate with or develop.

Can you resist our culture?

Just read Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk, the guy who wrote Fight Club. It's a comic novel about an undercover operative living with an American family. He's from an unnamed terrorist nation and is planning to kill as many Americans as possible in a terrorist attack. In the mean time, he's billeted with an American family.



The book is written in the form of journal entries, in heavily accented and awkwardly phrased English. The writing style is a little exhausting, but pretty funny and quite effective at conveying a brain-washed terrorist mindset. Ultimately the book is about whether a young, brain-washed enemy of America can resist Western culture.



Is it possible to resist our culture of instant messaging, tall lattes, celebrity magazines, Internet porn, movies, music, television, make-up, Obamamania? I think it would be tough. Especially for a young person. Sure it's possible. Easier if you have an outside source of influence like religion. (Think of all the Islamic people who hate Western culture.)



But I think if you're on your own and you're simply bombarded with all that crap, every day, all day, 24/7. You will eventually cave and let yourself be absorbed into pop culture. Then you will no longer "hate" American culture because you're attached. Hating it will be like hating a part of yourself.

If you could memorize anything, what would it be?

Let's say you had unlimited amount of time and motivation and brain power to memorize anything in it's entirety. What would you memorize?

I found this a pretty hard question to answer. Besides foreign language vocabulary, I can't think of much I'd want to memorize. Things like the 50 states and their capitals fall into the parlour trick category.

Someone once told me they'd memorize all the street names and locations in their city, then 5 seconds later they changed their mind because they realized we have maps.

In fact, we don't need to memorize much of anything nowadays. But back to the question: it would be nice to learn how to memorize playing cards and their locations in a pack of cards. You'd quickly become an ace at most card games.

It would be nice to memorize a dictionary as well. Yet most of the words you would never use. What about 100 Shakespeare quotes? You'd be annoying to hang out with.

An encyclopedia? Again, seems a bit pointless. The Bible? Pointless and parlour-tricky.

What about one interesting fact about each every day object? For example, key. You could memorize a fact like "they used wooden keys in Egypt 4,000 years ago". Then you just collect a fact for say 1,000 objects.

I guess it would make you interesting to talk to.

Facebook is a game whose goal is to collect "friends".

Someone wrote a good description of Facebook on a message board and I thought I'd build on their idea. Basically, they said Facebook was a large, multi-player game; the goal of which is to collect "friends".

I agree and would add that the goal is actually to increase your "prestige" level by "getting in people's face". You do this in two ways:

1) You collect "friends" - this is the game's currency.

2) You update your profile, post photos, add features - these actions remind people of your existence.

When you do both of these things, you increase your prestige by "getting more in people's faces". That's the goal of Facebook. It's to compel a community of people to care about you.

Most of the work we put into the internet (creating a blog, updating a web page) results in little or no feedback. (For example, I average approximately 0 comments per posting on this blog.) But if I were to do this on Facebook, I'd score huge prestige points.

So Facebook is a way to get people to care about you. The game works because it's a form of symbiosis. You "win" through "cooperation" with the other gamers (the other people on Facebook). It's in their interest to add you as a friend because you also add them as a friend. They increase their prestige and you increase yours.

Similarly, this is the same reason why we should wish other people in the world get rich and make a lot of money. When other people get richer, we get richer too because they buy more of our stuff.

Facebook is a giant game of mutual co-operation. The more you give, the more you get back in return.