When you write a blog you become self-obsessed.

One of the problems of writing a daily blog is that you have to think a lot about yourself. That sucks. We shouldn't think too much about ourselves. It can lead to depression.

I have a theory that the most depressed people you meet are the people who spend all day thinking about their problems. Or they spend hours analyzing themselves, evaluating their successes, comparing themselves to others.

Naval-gazing is a sure way to get sad. A little introspection isn't a bad thing. It's good to be somewhat self-aware, just don't overdo it.

That's a great thing about having an absorbing hobby, working hard in a career or having a child to take care of. You don't have a lot of time to self-obsess. You're too busy. You're in the "flow" of every day life and depression is distant and fuzzy.

When you have a blog, you have to think of things to write. You have to categorize and detail your opinions. You have to use examples from your life. All this requires thinking about oneself.

At what age do you realize you were wrong about life?

When you're a kid you think that when you grow up you'll be special. Maybe you'll be rich or famous or powerful. An astronaut, scientist, explorer, inventor. You'll do something unique, be remembered forever, work hard and succeed at something.

Then, as you get older, you realize that in fact you're not special. You're pretty mediocre. There are millions of people like you. There are millions of people better than you.

You have accomplished very little, don't have much money, you are physically past your prime. At what age do you finally realize you will never become the adult that you dreamed about as a child?

I say 30. In your teens, you're still very young and naive. You still think you're special, and you haven't started college or lived on your own in the real world.

In your 20s, you start to get an inkling that maybe you won't be a smashing success after all. But you're still hopeful! Maybe you'll catch that break! Maybe something's going to change.

By the time you hit 30 it's sunk in. Sorry, you ain't special. You still have a small chance, perhaps, but probably will never be the roaring success you thought. You're running on the treadmill faster and faster, just to maintain.

This could lead to depression (mid-life crisis in 30s or 40s). Hopefully you will simply accept it and move on. Try your best at the few things you're good at. Or maybe you'll be motivated to try even harder and become the success you dreamed.

Who knows?

Changeling is the most depressing movie I've ever seen.

Recently watched Clint Eastwood's Changeling starring Angelina Jolie. Oh man, what a depressing flick. I simply can no longer watch movies in which children are harmed or killed or brutally die. As a parent, it just hurts too much.

The movie is a parent's nightmare. If any of the stuff happened to a real parent they'd simply go insane. And in fact, there's a scene in which they're about to shock Angelina's brain into mush inside an insane asylum.

The movie is one horrible, depressing scene after another. No parent should watch it. In fact, there should be a new parent-rating criteria sort of like the R-rated and PG-rated etc. It should be something like "NP - No parent may watch this movie unless accompanied by a non-parent adult."

We seek the familiar.

Just finished Dispatches from the Edge by Anderson Cooper. In the memoir he describes the depression he felt growing up as he dealt with the death of his father and suicide of his older brother.

To help ease the pain he went toward more pain. Wars, famines, natural disasters and genocides. He booked the first flight to whatever place in the world happened to have the most suffering. Then he and his camera crew took images of dead children, mangled bodies, ruined villages and destroyed lives.

It seems a bit counter intuitive that someone with so much pain, took a job centered around pain. He explains it as "not having any feeling" during mundane, day-to-day activities. Going to a restaurant, celebrating New Year's Eve, hanging out with friends - all felt unreal to him. He felt nothing. So he jumped at the opportunity to dodge sniper fire or interview grieving parents.

I vaguely remember Oprah once telling a guest that people "do what is familiar to them". If you grew up knowing domestic violence, as an adult you put yourself in a situation with domestic violence because that's what you know.

What a sad fact about life. I would think we'd be enriched if we sought new experiences. Or if we at least recognized that we experienced a bad situation and so we consciously choose not to continue the experience in a different form as we get older.

I guess that's what therapy is for. To discover this for ourselves.

Have you noticed we're always sabotaging ourselves?

Have you ever noticed how we always seem to be doing things for the good of our future selves? And then when that future comes we hate it?

Like we say, "I'll stick in this job and build up my resume so in a few years I'll be super qualified." Then a few years comes and you're like, "I hate this job."

Basically we're always sacrificing for our future, and our future selves never appreciate it. I read about this in a book about happiness. (Sorry, I forget the title.) The gist was that most people aren't happy even though they spend most of their lives doing things that they think will make them happy in the future.

I'll take this job. I'll buy this house. I'll buy new clothes. I'll start a budget.

Either we do these things and then we say, "Okay I still feel like crap. What's going on?" Or we quit half way because it's too hard and then we say, "I feel like crap. I shouldn't have quit."

Interestingly, people who don't plan or sacrifice for the future (I'm thinking people with poor impulse control, drinkers, drug habits etc.) aren't happy either.*

So what do we do about this? I don't know.

*Except for Buddhist monks or Zen masters who "live in the moment.