The other day my radio station was asking callers to talk about their double lives. I think it would be hard to live a double life. I can barely live my own life. Imagine twice the bills, twice the hassles, twice the errands.
No thanks. Then if you want to keep your double life secret, that's a whole other area of effort. Lying every day to one family, then going to your other house and lying to your other family. Just thinking of new lies and stories would be exhausting.
An optimist might argue that having a double life would also mean twice the happiness. Sure, but this would be erased by the stress of lying to everyone you know. And the commuting time as you drive or fly between homes or cities or jobs.
Not worth it. In fact, I suggest it's impossible. No one could spread themselves that thin for an extended period of time. You might be able to do it for a month or two. Maybe.
The only way it would be worth living a double life is if both lives were awesome and stress-free. But then if you had one awesome, stress-free life, why would you need another?
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Why do people carry so much stuff?
The other day my sister asked if I had a murse (man purse). I told her I simply carried a wallet. If I had a lot of stuff, I carry a backpack. Why do we carry so much?
Years ago when I worked at GM Place I was always surprised that people brought backpacks to games and concerts. Unless you were sneaking in booze, why carry a backpack to an indoor concert or hockey game?
That's why we searched all the backpacks. Most of them had books or clothes or containers of stuff. Why not leave that crap at home?
If you look at people on the street, almost everyone is carrying something. A purse, shopping bag or backpack. There are very few people walking around who carry nothing.
I'd love to ask each person what they're carrying. Also, I'd love to ask each person carrying nothing, why they don't have something.
I think you're more manly if you don't carry anything. A metro-sexual, feminized man would carry a backpack and man purse, filled with junk. A real man carries nothing but a credit card wrapped in cash.
Years ago when I worked at GM Place I was always surprised that people brought backpacks to games and concerts. Unless you were sneaking in booze, why carry a backpack to an indoor concert or hockey game?
That's why we searched all the backpacks. Most of them had books or clothes or containers of stuff. Why not leave that crap at home?
If you look at people on the street, almost everyone is carrying something. A purse, shopping bag or backpack. There are very few people walking around who carry nothing.
I'd love to ask each person what they're carrying. Also, I'd love to ask each person carrying nothing, why they don't have something.
I think you're more manly if you don't carry anything. A metro-sexual, feminized man would carry a backpack and man purse, filled with junk. A real man carries nothing but a credit card wrapped in cash.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
You should never tell a co-worker your salary.
I thought this was a no-brainer, but apparently lots of people talk to their co-workers about salary. My friend was a few weeks into a job when someone came up and asked his salary. And I was a few weeks into this job when someone I didn't know emailed to ask my salary. (That person had a reason - they were hiring for a similar position in their province.)
Talking about salary can only make things worse. Let's say you and a co-worker tell each other your salaries. You make more. Now your co-worker is angry and bitter and might go to the boss to ask for a raise. The boss gets mad at you for revealing salary.
What if your coworker makes more. Now you're jealous and angry and you say dumb things like, "I'm gonna look for a new job where they appreciate me!"
Same with bonuses. A lot of companies think they're doing their employees a favour by having bonuses. But at bonus time, people get angry. They were expecting more. The other department didn't deserve that much, etc.
This is especially true when bonuses are tacked on to your salary. Like if they hire you and your salary is $40,000 with a 3% bonus. That's bad news. Because what will invariably happen is that the company won't do well and your bonus will be cut. Or you won't do well and your bonus will be cut. And you will be livid! By then, you've thought of your bonus as a salary - because they told you right out that it was 3%.
They shouldn't tell you what your bonus is. They shouldn't even approximate. They shouldn't even say there is a bonus. They should just randomly give you a cheque and say, "Here's a one-time bonus. Good job." People would love it.
In my last job, while I was negotiating for a higher salary. They reminded me that I got a bonus. I said, "But that's not guaranteed. It's a bonus." The HR person said, "Yes, but we've never not given anyone a bonus. " Basically she implied it was guaranteed.
My first quarter at work a woman in my department didn't get her bonus.
Talking about salary can only make things worse. Let's say you and a co-worker tell each other your salaries. You make more. Now your co-worker is angry and bitter and might go to the boss to ask for a raise. The boss gets mad at you for revealing salary.
What if your coworker makes more. Now you're jealous and angry and you say dumb things like, "I'm gonna look for a new job where they appreciate me!"
Same with bonuses. A lot of companies think they're doing their employees a favour by having bonuses. But at bonus time, people get angry. They were expecting more. The other department didn't deserve that much, etc.
This is especially true when bonuses are tacked on to your salary. Like if they hire you and your salary is $40,000 with a 3% bonus. That's bad news. Because what will invariably happen is that the company won't do well and your bonus will be cut. Or you won't do well and your bonus will be cut. And you will be livid! By then, you've thought of your bonus as a salary - because they told you right out that it was 3%.
They shouldn't tell you what your bonus is. They shouldn't even approximate. They shouldn't even say there is a bonus. They should just randomly give you a cheque and say, "Here's a one-time bonus. Good job." People would love it.
In my last job, while I was negotiating for a higher salary. They reminded me that I got a bonus. I said, "But that's not guaranteed. It's a bonus." The HR person said, "Yes, but we've never not given anyone a bonus. " Basically she implied it was guaranteed.
My first quarter at work a woman in my department didn't get her bonus.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Time gets faster as we get older, but what if it was the opposite?
As we get older, time seems to fly faster and faster. When I was a kid summer holidays lasted FOREVER. Now summer feels like 3 weeks. Imagine when I'm 95! A summer will feel like a day!
What if this was the opposite? What if time went by slower and slower as we got older, and flew by when we were kids? I think that would be worse.
Children lead the best lives. Everything is done for them. They play all day. They don't have to worry about money. They laugh a lot. If this went by in a blink of an eye, they'd miss out on the best times of their lives.
Meanwhile, getting older kind of sucks. If time slowed every year it would mean a sort of slow, extended agony. If you were really old and really sick, imagine how much worse you would feel if every day felt like a month.
"Come on kill me now!" you'd scream. "Time hurry up and go by so I can die!" Some people already feel like that.
What if this was the opposite? What if time went by slower and slower as we got older, and flew by when we were kids? I think that would be worse.
Children lead the best lives. Everything is done for them. They play all day. They don't have to worry about money. They laugh a lot. If this went by in a blink of an eye, they'd miss out on the best times of their lives.
Meanwhile, getting older kind of sucks. If time slowed every year it would mean a sort of slow, extended agony. If you were really old and really sick, imagine how much worse you would feel if every day felt like a month.
"Come on kill me now!" you'd scream. "Time hurry up and go by so I can die!" Some people already feel like that.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
5 Interesting Things You Didn't Know about Peru
My sister is moving to Peru for 6 months. HO-LY Crap! I said, HO-LY CRAP! In honour of her decision, this post will describe 8 little known but very interesting facts about Peru.
1) There's a huge hole in the middle of Peru called Chicxulub Crater. It's from an asteroid strike that threw trillions of tons of dirt, rock and fire into the sky and caused the extinction of the White-fronted Capuchin monkey. The animal is now revered by a local aboriginal tribe called the Kamasins.
2) The Peruvian flag is the exact same flag as the Canadian flag, except with no maple leaf in the middle. In the 1920s a Canadian group sued the Peruvian government for copyright infringement under the 1886 Berne Convention. The action was dismissed by a world-court judge.
3) Peru has a lot of young people. Median age of 28. (Canada's is over 40 yrs. old.) But it's illegal in Peru to have sexual intercourse under the age of 21.
4) The Peruvian language evolved independently from the Spanish originating in northern Spain during the fifteenth century. It is now thought that Peruvian evolved directly from Proto-Indo-European language (PIE), an unattested, common ancestor of the Indo-European languages, spoken by the Proto-Indo-Europeans.
5) Cerveza Caral is the most popular beer in Peru; however, the drink is controverisal because it contains over 100 ingredients including Mountain Maple Solid Extract, Nonanoic Acid, 2-Phenyl-2-Butenal, Sucrose octaacetate and Veratraldehyde. Since 2005, when the Peruvian Purist Party came to power under Emmeline Pethick-Lawrence, Cerveza Caral is available in only government-operated liquor stores.
6) Peru uses a different standard of time called International Atomic Time (TAI), which has nothing to do with the rotations of the earth with respect to the mean sun. As a result, since 1972 they've had to add a leap second approximately every 18 months.
7) Peruvians tend to be formal and conservative, especially those living in the Andes region. The indigenous Amerindians will greet you with a loud, "Buenas tardes, es un placer! Hasta mañana!" which I've translated directly into an online translator as, "Hi, I think it's great to meet you. Tomorrow!"
8) Peru has had 3 wars with the United States - and has won them all! The first and most famous was called the Yamasee War (1715-1717), when Peru successfully defended itself from a military contingent from South Carolina made up of the Cherokee, Chickasaw and Catawba Indian tribes.
1) There's a huge hole in the middle of Peru called Chicxulub Crater. It's from an asteroid strike that threw trillions of tons of dirt, rock and fire into the sky and caused the extinction of the White-fronted Capuchin monkey. The animal is now revered by a local aboriginal tribe called the Kamasins.
2) The Peruvian flag is the exact same flag as the Canadian flag, except with no maple leaf in the middle. In the 1920s a Canadian group sued the Peruvian government for copyright infringement under the 1886 Berne Convention. The action was dismissed by a world-court judge.
3) Peru has a lot of young people. Median age of 28. (Canada's is over 40 yrs. old.) But it's illegal in Peru to have sexual intercourse under the age of 21.
4) The Peruvian language evolved independently from the Spanish originating in northern Spain during the fifteenth century. It is now thought that Peruvian evolved directly from Proto-Indo-European language (PIE), an unattested, common ancestor of the Indo-European languages, spoken by the Proto-Indo-Europeans.
5) Cerveza Caral is the most popular beer in Peru; however, the drink is controverisal because it contains over 100 ingredients including Mountain Maple Solid Extract, Nonanoic Acid, 2-Phenyl-2-Butenal, Sucrose octaacetate and Veratraldehyde. Since 2005, when the Peruvian Purist Party came to power under Emmeline Pethick-Lawrence, Cerveza Caral is available in only government-operated liquor stores.
6) Peru uses a different standard of time called International Atomic Time (TAI), which has nothing to do with the rotations of the earth with respect to the mean sun. As a result, since 1972 they've had to add a leap second approximately every 18 months.
7) Peruvians tend to be formal and conservative, especially those living in the Andes region. The indigenous Amerindians will greet you with a loud, "Buenas tardes, es un placer! Hasta mañana!" which I've translated directly into an online translator as, "Hi, I think it's great to meet you. Tomorrow!"
8) Peru has had 3 wars with the United States - and has won them all! The first and most famous was called the Yamasee War (1715-1717), when Peru successfully defended itself from a military contingent from South Carolina made up of the Cherokee, Chickasaw and Catawba Indian tribes.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Biography of co-worker (part 2)
(cont. from part 1)
His Dad was a criminal who lived on a commune. One set of grandparents came from eastern Canada, and were involved in the "sex-trade".
He's often on the phone with bureaucrats trying to get copies of his family records - marriage certificates, addresses, etc. He posts this information on his blog, along with other interesting articles he writes.
Sometimes lawyers threaten him because he bashes companies on his blog. He says there's "tons of spy ware" on his blog so he can check to see who reads it. He often traces his reader's computes back to corporate head offices, where he thinks lawyers are reading his blog and strategizing how to sue him.
He's looking forward to going on employment insurance and "milking the system as much as I can".
Although he tell lots of crazy stories about his life, he claims that he's interested in my life because "middle class people from Ontario fascinate me."
He eats sugary food and says he's trying to quit sugar because of diabetes. Once I heard him say to a co-worker, "Be a hero and go to Tim Horton's for us." Whenever I go the gas station I buy him pop or Twinkies.
On weekends he's always doing something interesting: building a shed on an island, attending a film festival, sleeping in all day, playing Sims 3 and torturing the characters. I asked him how that went - playing Sims - and he said he ended up hating the game because you could not customize as much.
I once made the mistake of telling him I didn't have time to vote in the last provincial election. Now whenever the government does something bad he comes into my office and says, "See?? You should have voted!!"
His Dad was a criminal who lived on a commune. One set of grandparents came from eastern Canada, and were involved in the "sex-trade".
He's often on the phone with bureaucrats trying to get copies of his family records - marriage certificates, addresses, etc. He posts this information on his blog, along with other interesting articles he writes.
Sometimes lawyers threaten him because he bashes companies on his blog. He says there's "tons of spy ware" on his blog so he can check to see who reads it. He often traces his reader's computes back to corporate head offices, where he thinks lawyers are reading his blog and strategizing how to sue him.
He's looking forward to going on employment insurance and "milking the system as much as I can".
Although he tell lots of crazy stories about his life, he claims that he's interested in my life because "middle class people from Ontario fascinate me."
He eats sugary food and says he's trying to quit sugar because of diabetes. Once I heard him say to a co-worker, "Be a hero and go to Tim Horton's for us." Whenever I go the gas station I buy him pop or Twinkies.
On weekends he's always doing something interesting: building a shed on an island, attending a film festival, sleeping in all day, playing Sims 3 and torturing the characters. I asked him how that went - playing Sims - and he said he ended up hating the game because you could not customize as much.
I once made the mistake of telling him I didn't have time to vote in the last provincial election. Now whenever the government does something bad he comes into my office and says, "See?? You should have voted!!"
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Biography of co-worker (part 1)
I work with an interesting guy. I thought I'd write a quick and dirty character description.
He's gay. Openly gay. And a self-described "socialist" who is hardcore left wing. He randomly says things like "rich people are evil and should be taxed". "We need more public transit." "The government should put evil banks out of business."
Once I challenged him. I said, "Who's going to pay for this stuff you want?" He said, "Rich people." I said, "There won't be any rich people left."
He's disorganized and chaotic. He gossips a lot and dresses in grubby clothes. He bad mouths the boss constantly and was recently laid off, although he says he was "fired" because the boss hates him. I explained it was a layoff and he insisted it was a firing because he "hates, corporate jargon newspeak."
He has a blog. He's a writer with thousands of dollars stashed in his apartment because he doesn't trust banks. He gets phone calls and letters from the government threatening to "garnish" his wages because of a multi-thousand dollar student debt. He proudly shows off these letters.
He's disorganized and forgetful. If you ask him to do something like file a letter, it probably won't get done. He blames it on a "condition". He often randomly yells out "shit on a stick!" or "eff word!" Again, due to a condition.
He says he's losing hearing in one ear and is terrified of his teeth falling out. He bikes to work and runs into the office breathlessly late every day with a random announcement like, "I dumped water on my neighbour's dog", "I flipped my mattress and saw hundreds of bed bugs", or "my air conditioning collapsed on me last night".
He's a whiz with office equipment and is great at designing and writing publications. He asks a lot of personal, irrelevant questions like, "Are your sisters straight?" or "Where are you going for your walk?"
It took him a few weeks to remember my son's name was "Jake" and not "Jack." Once he got it, I switched it up and called my son "Jack".
He's super nice and has great customer service skills. When I recommended he get into sales, he said he would never do it because they are the "scum of the earth".
(continued)
He's gay. Openly gay. And a self-described "socialist" who is hardcore left wing. He randomly says things like "rich people are evil and should be taxed". "We need more public transit." "The government should put evil banks out of business."
Once I challenged him. I said, "Who's going to pay for this stuff you want?" He said, "Rich people." I said, "There won't be any rich people left."
He's disorganized and chaotic. He gossips a lot and dresses in grubby clothes. He bad mouths the boss constantly and was recently laid off, although he says he was "fired" because the boss hates him. I explained it was a layoff and he insisted it was a firing because he "hates, corporate jargon newspeak."
He has a blog. He's a writer with thousands of dollars stashed in his apartment because he doesn't trust banks. He gets phone calls and letters from the government threatening to "garnish" his wages because of a multi-thousand dollar student debt. He proudly shows off these letters.
He's disorganized and forgetful. If you ask him to do something like file a letter, it probably won't get done. He blames it on a "condition". He often randomly yells out "shit on a stick!" or "eff word!" Again, due to a condition.
He says he's losing hearing in one ear and is terrified of his teeth falling out. He bikes to work and runs into the office breathlessly late every day with a random announcement like, "I dumped water on my neighbour's dog", "I flipped my mattress and saw hundreds of bed bugs", or "my air conditioning collapsed on me last night".
He's a whiz with office equipment and is great at designing and writing publications. He asks a lot of personal, irrelevant questions like, "Are your sisters straight?" or "Where are you going for your walk?"
It took him a few weeks to remember my son's name was "Jake" and not "Jack." Once he got it, I switched it up and called my son "Jack".
He's super nice and has great customer service skills. When I recommended he get into sales, he said he would never do it because they are the "scum of the earth".
(continued)
Monday, August 24, 2009
Which of my fictional serial killer characters is most creepy?
I want to write a fun, campy and extremely violent horror novel about a serial killer who kills people. Which of the three characters below is the most creepy/weird?
- Jack Paulson, in his 30s, skinny, a bit of a joker. He's a ventriloquist and has a puppet that looks exactly like him. But it's a puppet. When he kills people, he tortures them and brings out the dummy as the person is dying. Then he has weird conversations with the dummy, who takes on the personality, of an evil, wise-cracking version of Jack Paulson. Jack will be like, "Hey this guy's had enough, let's let him go." The guy will be tied to a chair with a knife stuck in his gut or something. The dummy will be like, "No, cut off his leg!" That kind of thing. The dummy always advocates a brutal, pain-filled death while Jack plays the good guy. The dummy always "wins" the argument.
- Billy "rockabye" Jean. Early 40s, chubby, fun-loving guy. He goes from town-to-town playing guitar shows for families. His thing is that he always "buys a new guitar" at every town he visits and part of his show is fooling around with the guitar as a sort of comedy routine. The kids love it. His songs are fun, catchy and have lots of audience interactivity. After each show he follow the least enthusiastic audience member home and bludgeons them to death with his guitar - shattering the strings etc.
- Duane Carlson. He's that shy kid from your high school who you kind of vaguely remember, but not really. Anyway, as an adult he's constructed all these fantasies about how he was abused by bullies in his school and so he goes around killing all his classmates, using his yearbook as a list. As they're dying they beg him for mercy - they don't remember him and apologize for ignoring him as a teenager. He says it's too late and tortures them to death. Just as they're about to expire, he asks them to sign his old yearbook (because no one signed it when he was in grade 12). So they sign it and just before they die they see the signatures of all the other people in their class who've signed his book and are now dead.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I wish office equipment could talk to you.
I think it would be cool if everyday office equipment (like printers or photocopiers) could talk to you. I'm thinking they could print out a label from a slot in the side of machine. The label would have a message like, "Please don't feed more than one paper into me at once."
It would be important that the office equipment have mechanical, robotic personalities. You wouldn't want them to be characters because it would just be too silly and annoying. Microsoft did that a few years ago with the paperclip and dog character. People ended up hating them.
A photocopier wouldn't be asking you about the weather or complaining about being bored. It's a photocopier. It might print out a label that says, "Change my toner soon please." Or, "I think you left my tray open."
Just short little statements like that. Every appliance or machine could have a stock of, say, 500 phrases and a short, simple chatting program that randomized the order of words, etc.
In time, we would give them personalities. "The machine's been grumpy lately." We would form very rudimentary relationships with them. Then, when they finally broke down, we'd likely buy a similar model from the same company.
So it would be a form of marketing as well. Brand loyalty.
It would be important that the office equipment have mechanical, robotic personalities. You wouldn't want them to be characters because it would just be too silly and annoying. Microsoft did that a few years ago with the paperclip and dog character. People ended up hating them.
A photocopier wouldn't be asking you about the weather or complaining about being bored. It's a photocopier. It might print out a label that says, "Change my toner soon please." Or, "I think you left my tray open."
Just short little statements like that. Every appliance or machine could have a stock of, say, 500 phrases and a short, simple chatting program that randomized the order of words, etc.
In time, we would give them personalities. "The machine's been grumpy lately." We would form very rudimentary relationships with them. Then, when they finally broke down, we'd likely buy a similar model from the same company.
So it would be a form of marketing as well. Brand loyalty.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
"I'm a feminist! Don't hold the door for me!"
The other day I went to a gas station store and a mean-looking, biker dude with tattoos held the door open for me. I said, "Thank you very much!" really enthusiastically, like this was the best thing that happened to me all week.
Normally I mumble a "thakana ehehe" that sort of sounds like "thank you". If it's a normal-looking person I just move my lips and look away.
Why was I so enthusiastic with this guy? I think it was because I thought he may attack me if I didn't say thank you. Also, I think I wanted to change his evil, tattooing biker ways. By saying "thank you" and treating him like a normal person, I'm encouraging him to become a normal, polite and not evil every day person.
I also wanted him to think highly of me. I wanted him to think, "That's a man who doesn't pre-judge my physical appearance! He says thank you to me just like he would any other person."
I wanted to be a hero.
Normally I mumble a "thakana ehehe" that sort of sounds like "thank you". If it's a normal-looking person I just move my lips and look away.
Why was I so enthusiastic with this guy? I think it was because I thought he may attack me if I didn't say thank you. Also, I think I wanted to change his evil, tattooing biker ways. By saying "thank you" and treating him like a normal person, I'm encouraging him to become a normal, polite and not evil every day person.
I also wanted him to think highly of me. I wanted him to think, "That's a man who doesn't pre-judge my physical appearance! He says thank you to me just like he would any other person."
I wanted to be a hero.
Friday, August 21, 2009
How to be a good parent.
I'm listening to Parenthood by proxy by Laura Schlessinger, a virtuous, Christian radio talk show host. She laments the fact that traditional homes with traditional values are no longer considered necessary to raise good, well-adjusted children.
It's considered acceptable for kids to be raised by divorced parents, step-parents, double income parents, uncles etc. This isn't the best way to raise children, she says. It leads to turmoil in their lives.
According to her, parents owe their kids time (and attention), clothes, shelter and food. That's it. Playstations and trips to Disneyland are nice, but not obligatory. Attention and time are the big challenges for parents. In non-traditional families the kids don't get enough attention and time.
She says nowadays we are more selfish. We're told by the media to improve ourselves and do what makes us happy. We're taught that we're number one, we deserve the best, we can do anything we want. In other words we're self-indulgent.
It causes parents to do wrong-headed things like have divorces, travel the world and leave their kids at home, pursue a career and neglect their kids, etc. Instead we should encourage the values of self-sacrifice.
When you have kids you agree to make sacrifices for your children. Your happiness no longer comes first. Theirs does. And this is a good thing and should be embraced and promoted by our culture.
My own 2 cents: I agree about the selfishness. We're taught that we deserve to be happy and to put ourselves number one. This is a problem. I disagree about her idea as "daycare as a last resort". I think (and hope because Jake's in daycare!) you can still raise a well-adjusted child who attends daycare. The studies show this is true.
But we have been noticing lately that daycare may not be the best option for Jake. The workers claim they know sign language but when Jake signs and asks for something they wave and say, "Hi Jake!" So I think he doesn't get the best development.
Also he catches every illness that goes around, and all the other parents send their sick kids to daycare.
It's considered acceptable for kids to be raised by divorced parents, step-parents, double income parents, uncles etc. This isn't the best way to raise children, she says. It leads to turmoil in their lives.
According to her, parents owe their kids time (and attention), clothes, shelter and food. That's it. Playstations and trips to Disneyland are nice, but not obligatory. Attention and time are the big challenges for parents. In non-traditional families the kids don't get enough attention and time.
She says nowadays we are more selfish. We're told by the media to improve ourselves and do what makes us happy. We're taught that we're number one, we deserve the best, we can do anything we want. In other words we're self-indulgent.
It causes parents to do wrong-headed things like have divorces, travel the world and leave their kids at home, pursue a career and neglect their kids, etc. Instead we should encourage the values of self-sacrifice.
When you have kids you agree to make sacrifices for your children. Your happiness no longer comes first. Theirs does. And this is a good thing and should be embraced and promoted by our culture.
My own 2 cents: I agree about the selfishness. We're taught that we deserve to be happy and to put ourselves number one. This is a problem. I disagree about her idea as "daycare as a last resort". I think (and hope because Jake's in daycare!) you can still raise a well-adjusted child who attends daycare. The studies show this is true.
But we have been noticing lately that daycare may not be the best option for Jake. The workers claim they know sign language but when Jake signs and asks for something they wave and say, "Hi Jake!" So I think he doesn't get the best development.
Also he catches every illness that goes around, and all the other parents send their sick kids to daycare.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Will Obama be assassinated?
Two months ago a Pennsylvania newspaper published a classified ad calling for the assassination of Barrack Obama. Later, the newspaper apologized for running the ad - but I'm worried.
Not because a few degenerates are calling for his assassination, I'm worried because Obama scares people. He scares the right-wing wacko element of the United States - those people who stockpile grenade launchers, live in bullet-proof compounds and publish Nazi newsletters.
These are the kind of people who wouldn't think twice about taking a potshot at Obama. The president is young, progressive, black and has an aggressive agenda of change. What happens to progressive presidents who want change?
Already they're calling him a Nazi because he wants to change medicare. There are pictures of him patting Hitler on the back. There are pictures of him wearing Joker makeup from Batman. And "angry mobs" are showing up at Town Hall meetings waving signs that call him evil. All because he wants to improve his country's medical system.
He's only been President for half a year. He's got three and half to go. I hope he's not assassinated.
Not because a few degenerates are calling for his assassination, I'm worried because Obama scares people. He scares the right-wing wacko element of the United States - those people who stockpile grenade launchers, live in bullet-proof compounds and publish Nazi newsletters.
These are the kind of people who wouldn't think twice about taking a potshot at Obama. The president is young, progressive, black and has an aggressive agenda of change. What happens to progressive presidents who want change?
Already they're calling him a Nazi because he wants to change medicare. There are pictures of him patting Hitler on the back. There are pictures of him wearing Joker makeup from Batman. And "angry mobs" are showing up at Town Hall meetings waving signs that call him evil. All because he wants to improve his country's medical system.
He's only been President for half a year. He's got three and half to go. I hope he's not assassinated.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The fine art of faking sick at work.
Came in the office yesterday morning and no one was here. A voice mail from one woman, "I have a bad migraine." A voice mail from another, "My kid is sick." And the big boss is on holidays.
That leaves just me. It was a beautiful summer day. This was the classic fake-sick-day off. Everyone does it, and at my work, everyone happened to do it at the same time.
The weird thing is I planned last weekend to take Weds off as a fake sick day. When my co-workers both did it at the same time, a day earlier than me, (they beat me by a day) that put my own fake sick day in jeopardy. How could I fake sick a day after they did? That would look bad.
Unless I claimed to "catch" something from them. But then if they were truly faking they would know that I didn't catch anything. Still, this was the excuse I used.
I phoned in today and said, "I don't feel well." Faked sick.
A few thoughts about faking sick:
That leaves just me. It was a beautiful summer day. This was the classic fake-sick-day off. Everyone does it, and at my work, everyone happened to do it at the same time.
The weird thing is I planned last weekend to take Weds off as a fake sick day. When my co-workers both did it at the same time, a day earlier than me, (they beat me by a day) that put my own fake sick day in jeopardy. How could I fake sick a day after they did? That would look bad.
Unless I claimed to "catch" something from them. But then if they were truly faking they would know that I didn't catch anything. Still, this was the excuse I used.
I phoned in today and said, "I don't feel well." Faked sick.
A few thoughts about faking sick:
- You might want to build up your sickness the day before. Put Kleenex by your desk. Blow your nose loudly. Cough a lot. Say, "I feel like crap." When a coworker suggests that you go home, say, "No I'm gonna tough it out." Makes you look like a hero. The next day is your fake sick day.
- Fake sick mid-week. It's less obvious than when you fake sick on a Friday or Monday for a long weekend. If you're sick on Friday everyone knows it's fake.
- You can tell it's a fake sick if the person is back to work the next day. If they were truly sick, they'd take more than one day off. No one recovers from sickness in just one day.
- On the other hand, if the person shows up for work then leaves early or after a couple hours, this could be a genuine illness. Unless they are super-devious and planned to do that to make their fake-sick look amazingly real.
- The worst part of fake sick is the phone-in to the boss. That's why it's preferable just to email. If you have to speak with the boss, make yourself sound miserable. I do this by frowning as I talk, and speaking in a very low, unenthusiastic mono-tone voice.
- Sometimes you have to fake healthy (meaning you have to go to work sick and pretend you're healthy or people might get angry). The perfect excuse is "allergies". "No, that's not a cold or flu. It's just allergies."
- In my last job, they made us watch a video about how to sneeze. (You shouldn't sneeze into your hands. It's unsanitary and just gross. Instead you need to sneeze into the shirt-sleeve of your arm. The germs die quickly this way.) They also put hand-sanitizer everywhere and had meetings where they told us never to come to work sick and had posters about the flu up in the lunch room. Here's an idea: if you care so much about our health why not just give us more sick days? That way we won't come to work sick.
- The best illness to fake-sick is "stomach ache". If you say "headache" a do-good coworker might offer you aspirin at their desk. But if you have a stomach ache, no coworker will offer you exlax. Plus no one wants to be around someone with a bad crampy, diarrhea-like stomach. They want you to go home.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Jake only eats ice cream.
If your child ate only ice cream would you let your child eat ice cream? Or would you ban your child from eating ice cream and have the doctor install a gastric tube into his stomach so that you could pump formula into your child's stomach?
I've asked this question to people and don't get a straight answer. The question is just too hard. People don't want their child only eating ice cream and they don't want their child fed with a g-tube. So I get lots of advice about how to get Jake to eat, but not an answer to the question.
Jake's in an "ice cream only" phase. He'll sit down and take a few bites of food and then sign "ice cream". If we don't give him ice cream, he cries and stops eating and drinking. We need to g-tube feed him.
With an average kid we'd just say, "Oh well you don't get to eat today." But Jake is very underweight and needs as many calories as possible. Not pumping him with milk would mean no energy for his next meal. That would mean no eating or drinking, indefinitely.
In other words Jake can go on a hunger strike to get what he wants. And we pretty much have to give in because he could do real damage to himself and his body. We've tried twice to starve him. Both times we had to end the experiment because he went 2 to 3 days without eating or drinking.
He doesn't care if he's starving or dehydrated. He hasn't properly learned to eat and associate food with satiation. And the doctors we've seen just don't have the expertise in this area.
So we hired a behaviourist who has had some success getting kids with autism to eat. Let's see how she does with Jake and his parents.
I've asked this question to people and don't get a straight answer. The question is just too hard. People don't want their child only eating ice cream and they don't want their child fed with a g-tube. So I get lots of advice about how to get Jake to eat, but not an answer to the question.
Jake's in an "ice cream only" phase. He'll sit down and take a few bites of food and then sign "ice cream". If we don't give him ice cream, he cries and stops eating and drinking. We need to g-tube feed him.
With an average kid we'd just say, "Oh well you don't get to eat today." But Jake is very underweight and needs as many calories as possible. Not pumping him with milk would mean no energy for his next meal. That would mean no eating or drinking, indefinitely.
In other words Jake can go on a hunger strike to get what he wants. And we pretty much have to give in because he could do real damage to himself and his body. We've tried twice to starve him. Both times we had to end the experiment because he went 2 to 3 days without eating or drinking.
He doesn't care if he's starving or dehydrated. He hasn't properly learned to eat and associate food with satiation. And the doctors we've seen just don't have the expertise in this area.
So we hired a behaviourist who has had some success getting kids with autism to eat. Let's see how she does with Jake and his parents.
Monday, August 17, 2009
On TV white, middle-aged husbands are losers and doofuses.
If you judge my kind (white, husband with family, middle-aged) by television, which I highly suggest that you do, you'll find that we're a bunch of losers.
We make a mess of the simplest things. We burn ourselves barbecuing, we fall off ladders, make stupid comments, eat dog food by mistake. We're fooled by our children, laughed at by our wives. We're klutzy and stupid and unfit for anything that requires 2 or more brain cells.
It wasn't always like this. Back when we were single, we were cool. Single guys on TV have hordes of women chasing them. They drink beer, party, drive fast cars, make fun of other weaker males, and did I mention they have hordes of hot women chasing them?
Then when we got married something changed. Something radical. I don't know what it was. We lost our coolness. Maybe our wives changed us? Our kids?
Someone once said that white middle aged men are portrayed as idiots because in real life they rule the world. They have all the best jobs, all the money, and basically all the power. So it's okay to make fun of them on TV.
We make a mess of the simplest things. We burn ourselves barbecuing, we fall off ladders, make stupid comments, eat dog food by mistake. We're fooled by our children, laughed at by our wives. We're klutzy and stupid and unfit for anything that requires 2 or more brain cells.
It wasn't always like this. Back when we were single, we were cool. Single guys on TV have hordes of women chasing them. They drink beer, party, drive fast cars, make fun of other weaker males, and did I mention they have hordes of hot women chasing them?
Then when we got married something changed. Something radical. I don't know what it was. We lost our coolness. Maybe our wives changed us? Our kids?
Someone once said that white middle aged men are portrayed as idiots because in real life they rule the world. They have all the best jobs, all the money, and basically all the power. So it's okay to make fun of them on TV.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
I have super powers when I drive.
I have two really cool driving superpowers. I don't use them all the time because I don't want to abuse my powers. Also, I always use my powers for good rather than evil.
1) The first power is called "Mega Move Over." Basically, I can force a car in the lane beside me to move over into my lane, ahead of me. As I'm driving I slowly let there be a big gap between me and the car in front of me. When the gap is big enough, I mentally say, "Mega move!" to the cars beside me. I say this over and over in my head. About 90% of the time a car in the lane beside me moves over into the huge gap that I've created!
2) The second power is called "Sneak forward." I can command a car behind me to move forward from a dead stop, at any time I want. What I do is this: At a red light I leave a pretty large gap between me and the car ahead. Then after I'm stopped for awhile I decide to take my foot off the break. I move forward by 2 or 3 meters. Then I look in the rear view mirror at the car behind and I command the driver to "Sneak forward". They always do. Sometimes even before I command them!
Having driving superpowers comes with immense responsibility. I'm basically controlling other people on the road. In one case I'm forcing them to change lanes. In the other, I'm forcing them to take their foot off the break and move forward.
Not everyone should have these powers because they can be a burden. In a way I feel almost cursed.
1) The first power is called "Mega Move Over." Basically, I can force a car in the lane beside me to move over into my lane, ahead of me. As I'm driving I slowly let there be a big gap between me and the car in front of me. When the gap is big enough, I mentally say, "Mega move!" to the cars beside me. I say this over and over in my head. About 90% of the time a car in the lane beside me moves over into the huge gap that I've created!
2) The second power is called "Sneak forward." I can command a car behind me to move forward from a dead stop, at any time I want. What I do is this: At a red light I leave a pretty large gap between me and the car ahead. Then after I'm stopped for awhile I decide to take my foot off the break. I move forward by 2 or 3 meters. Then I look in the rear view mirror at the car behind and I command the driver to "Sneak forward". They always do. Sometimes even before I command them!
Having driving superpowers comes with immense responsibility. I'm basically controlling other people on the road. In one case I'm forcing them to change lanes. In the other, I'm forcing them to take their foot off the break and move forward.
Not everyone should have these powers because they can be a burden. In a way I feel almost cursed.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Swimming lessons with Jake.
Jake has swimming lessons today but we're not going. Instead, we're going to our daycare picnic at the lake.
I did swimming lessons with Jake last Saturday for the first time. Usually Mom takes him. This time it was just Jake and I and the instructor. So we did a lot.
We sang a motorboat song and tried to get Jake to put his face in the water and blow bubbles. He blows, but not with his face in the water. We poured water on Jake's head and said it was a waterfall. We "made cookies" in the water.
Jake's favourite game was treasure hunting. The instructor put rings on the bottom of the pool then asked Jake to pick them up and put them in the bucket. Jake loves putting things inside other things (when the fridge is open he crawls over so that he can take things off the bottom shelf and puts them back).
Jake can also go on his back for 20 seconds or so. Before he always struggled. Now he goes really stiff and has a worried look on his face. He put his feet in his mouth and we tried to bend his legs back down and say "kick".
Overall, he loves it. He screams and shouts a lot because he's so excited. I always think the other parents are looking at us when he shouts, but Cindy says they don't. He also gets cold easy because he's so skinny. He shivers but doesn't appear to want out of the pool.
Afterwards he so exhausted he falls asleep in his car seat on the way home.
I did swimming lessons with Jake last Saturday for the first time. Usually Mom takes him. This time it was just Jake and I and the instructor. So we did a lot.
We sang a motorboat song and tried to get Jake to put his face in the water and blow bubbles. He blows, but not with his face in the water. We poured water on Jake's head and said it was a waterfall. We "made cookies" in the water.
Jake's favourite game was treasure hunting. The instructor put rings on the bottom of the pool then asked Jake to pick them up and put them in the bucket. Jake loves putting things inside other things (when the fridge is open he crawls over so that he can take things off the bottom shelf and puts them back).
Jake can also go on his back for 20 seconds or so. Before he always struggled. Now he goes really stiff and has a worried look on his face. He put his feet in his mouth and we tried to bend his legs back down and say "kick".
Overall, he loves it. He screams and shouts a lot because he's so excited. I always think the other parents are looking at us when he shouts, but Cindy says they don't. He also gets cold easy because he's so skinny. He shivers but doesn't appear to want out of the pool.
Afterwards he so exhausted he falls asleep in his car seat on the way home.
Friday, August 14, 2009
The price of oil determines how rich we are.
Just finished reading Jeff Rubin's Why Your World is About to Get a Whole Lot Smaller. Rubin believes in peak oil - meaning the (still controversial) idea that the world's oil production has peaked and we will soon run out of oil.
Before this happens, however, we'll see a steady increase in the price of oil and this will fundamentally change our economy by making our world "smaller". Since gas will be so expensive, it will no longer be cost effective to ship goods and food from China. That means we'll be relying more on local farms and local companies to produce commodities. It also means higher prices.
Rubin does a great job of explaining how cheap oil subsidizes the low cost of almost everything we buy. Cheap oil means that it's better for us to buy goods from faraway, where the cost of making these goods is much lower than it would be if they were made locally.
He argues that the current economic recession started because the price of oil went up too quickly. It wasn't the sub prime mortgages. Expensive energy means slow growth and the stalling of economic development. Now that oil is cheap again, the economy will pick up. When it does, oil will skyrocket causing another recession and so on.
This to me was one of the most interesting things about the book - the connection between prosperity and cheap energy. As oil slowly becomes too expensive, people will search for a new (cheaper) energy source. If we find a cheaper energy source, expect prosperity and a high standard of living. If we don't, expect economic stagnation, high prices and a drop in our standard of living as we rely on pricey local alternatives.
Before this happens, however, we'll see a steady increase in the price of oil and this will fundamentally change our economy by making our world "smaller". Since gas will be so expensive, it will no longer be cost effective to ship goods and food from China. That means we'll be relying more on local farms and local companies to produce commodities. It also means higher prices.
Rubin does a great job of explaining how cheap oil subsidizes the low cost of almost everything we buy. Cheap oil means that it's better for us to buy goods from faraway, where the cost of making these goods is much lower than it would be if they were made locally.
He argues that the current economic recession started because the price of oil went up too quickly. It wasn't the sub prime mortgages. Expensive energy means slow growth and the stalling of economic development. Now that oil is cheap again, the economy will pick up. When it does, oil will skyrocket causing another recession and so on.
This to me was one of the most interesting things about the book - the connection between prosperity and cheap energy. As oil slowly becomes too expensive, people will search for a new (cheaper) energy source. If we find a cheaper energy source, expect prosperity and a high standard of living. If we don't, expect economic stagnation, high prices and a drop in our standard of living as we rely on pricey local alternatives.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
How to tell if someone is a good driver.
As a commuter, I've become great at judging drivers based on the car. Here we go:
BMW convertible or sports car convertible, top down
Balding, middle-aged man going through mid-life crisis. Generally safe driver but anger issues. Don't make him mad or he could rage.
Small hatchback from 1980s, Rabbit or civic
Bad driver car! Stay away from these people. They speed and change lanes without signalling and cut you off.
Old pick-up truck, burned out tail lights
You see this a lot where I live. Men in their 20s, aggressive, wearing no shirt. Into drugs or booze. They drive fast and sloppy. They'll hit and run because they don't care about the condition of the truck. Give them lots of room.
Huge pick up truck. Washed and clean. Gleaming black.
Okay drivers but they tailgate. Anger issues. The men driving are bald and angry. Will yell at you and finger you. Think they own the road and rarely stop at stop signs or yellow lights.
Small sporty car, red, a few years old.
Teenage girl, blond hair, not paying attention. Texting her friend on twitter and facebook. Chewing bubble gum. Dance music playing on radio. Fast, sloppy driver.
Huge new, clean, SUV, tinted windows.
Drug dealer or gangster. Not bad drivers, but be polite around them. You don't want to get shot. Also, don't park near them in case another gangster does a drive-by shooting and you get caught in cross fire.
Huge SUV, untinted windows
Tiny female, suburban soccer mom. Driving kids around. Husband works as lawyer or accountant in Vancouver and she's home all day with kids. Harried. Blond hair. Generally an okay driver, but drives fast and impatiently.
BMW convertible or sports car convertible, top down
Balding, middle-aged man going through mid-life crisis. Generally safe driver but anger issues. Don't make him mad or he could rage.
Small hatchback from 1980s, Rabbit or civic
Bad driver car! Stay away from these people. They speed and change lanes without signalling and cut you off.
Old pick-up truck, burned out tail lights
You see this a lot where I live. Men in their 20s, aggressive, wearing no shirt. Into drugs or booze. They drive fast and sloppy. They'll hit and run because they don't care about the condition of the truck. Give them lots of room.
Huge pick up truck. Washed and clean. Gleaming black.
Okay drivers but they tailgate. Anger issues. The men driving are bald and angry. Will yell at you and finger you. Think they own the road and rarely stop at stop signs or yellow lights.
Small sporty car, red, a few years old.
Teenage girl, blond hair, not paying attention. Texting her friend on twitter and facebook. Chewing bubble gum. Dance music playing on radio. Fast, sloppy driver.
Huge new, clean, SUV, tinted windows.
Drug dealer or gangster. Not bad drivers, but be polite around them. You don't want to get shot. Also, don't park near them in case another gangster does a drive-by shooting and you get caught in cross fire.
Huge SUV, untinted windows
Tiny female, suburban soccer mom. Driving kids around. Husband works as lawyer or accountant in Vancouver and she's home all day with kids. Harried. Blond hair. Generally an okay driver, but drives fast and impatiently.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I forgot to look at myself in the mirror yesterday.
The other day when I was picking up Jake from daycare, I realized that I hadn't looked at myself in a mirror yet.
It was roughly 4:50pm and I was talking to one of the workers. I quickly glanced down at my shirt to see if it was inside out (I've worn an inside out shirt before to daycare when dropping off Jake.) Then I worried about having some huge booger under my nose or mustard stain beside my mouth.
I was just too busy to bother looking at myself. In the morning, I was dealing with Jake and mostly watching him as we brushed our teeth in front of the mirror. My hair's short enough that I can get away with just sightlessly rubbing some gel through there. In the washroom at work I must have just looked at my hands.
When you have a kid, you often forget to do basic things like shower or fix your hair or change out of your grubby food-stained clothes. I don't have the time. Or inclination.
Plus I've seen my face a lot throughout my life and could easily go without seeing it for a day or two.
Speaking of our faces, do you know why we never look quite right in photographs? Because we see our faces non-reversed. It looks weird to our eyes. Normally we only see ourselves backwards (in mirrors), which isn't the way other people see us at all. That's a good analogy to life as well - we don't see ourselves truly as others see us.
It was roughly 4:50pm and I was talking to one of the workers. I quickly glanced down at my shirt to see if it was inside out (I've worn an inside out shirt before to daycare when dropping off Jake.) Then I worried about having some huge booger under my nose or mustard stain beside my mouth.
I was just too busy to bother looking at myself. In the morning, I was dealing with Jake and mostly watching him as we brushed our teeth in front of the mirror. My hair's short enough that I can get away with just sightlessly rubbing some gel through there. In the washroom at work I must have just looked at my hands.
When you have a kid, you often forget to do basic things like shower or fix your hair or change out of your grubby food-stained clothes. I don't have the time. Or inclination.
Plus I've seen my face a lot throughout my life and could easily go without seeing it for a day or two.
Speaking of our faces, do you know why we never look quite right in photographs? Because we see our faces non-reversed. It looks weird to our eyes. Normally we only see ourselves backwards (in mirrors), which isn't the way other people see us at all. That's a good analogy to life as well - we don't see ourselves truly as others see us.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Is Logoless advertising in our future?
I'm a bit sick of seeing logos everywhere. I try to ignore them. "Branding" is one of the big things in marketing. I worked in marketing departments for a few companies and they love "branding", although I can say that most marketing people love buzz words, but have no clue on how to apply them.
I was listening to Buyology: Truth and Lies About Why We Buy, by Martin Lindstrom in the car and he talked about logoless advertising. Apparently tobacco companies have been logoless advertising for years and it works amazingly well. They simply show images associated with their brand and people's brains are activated.
Lindstrom calls this a form of subliminal advertising. Traditional advertising theory says you should show your logo. You should brand yourself. But Lindstrom says people simply use their brains to reject the logo or dispute the advertising claim.
When you don't show a logo, the brain has nothing to dispute. The ad is too subtle. Therefore, it's much more effective.
My own thought is that very few companies have enough market recognition to go logoless. Maybe Coca Cola could (just show the red stripe and scenes of people having fun), perhaps Pepsi, perhaps McDonald's.
My second thought is that marketing executives are way too much in love with their logo to even consider going logoless.
What I could see happening in the near future is companies getting rid of their text. McDonald's could just show the golden arches. Macintosh could just show the apple (wait, don't they already do that - I guess this is already starting to happen). Pepsi could show that smiley head.
While it would be nice to live in a logoless world, it wouldn't be nice if the logoless ads were even more powerful than the ones with logos. Then I'd want the logos back so I could reject them with my brain and retain some sort of consumer "freedom".
Maybe logos aren't all that bad.
I was listening to Buyology: Truth and Lies About Why We Buy, by Martin Lindstrom in the car and he talked about logoless advertising. Apparently tobacco companies have been logoless advertising for years and it works amazingly well. They simply show images associated with their brand and people's brains are activated.
Lindstrom calls this a form of subliminal advertising. Traditional advertising theory says you should show your logo. You should brand yourself. But Lindstrom says people simply use their brains to reject the logo or dispute the advertising claim.
When you don't show a logo, the brain has nothing to dispute. The ad is too subtle. Therefore, it's much more effective.
My own thought is that very few companies have enough market recognition to go logoless. Maybe Coca Cola could (just show the red stripe and scenes of people having fun), perhaps Pepsi, perhaps McDonald's.
My second thought is that marketing executives are way too much in love with their logo to even consider going logoless.
What I could see happening in the near future is companies getting rid of their text. McDonald's could just show the golden arches. Macintosh could just show the apple (wait, don't they already do that - I guess this is already starting to happen). Pepsi could show that smiley head.
While it would be nice to live in a logoless world, it wouldn't be nice if the logoless ads were even more powerful than the ones with logos. Then I'd want the logos back so I could reject them with my brain and retain some sort of consumer "freedom".
Maybe logos aren't all that bad.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Jake surprised us with 2 new signs.
I love it when he surprises us. The other day we were on the bed when the alarm clock went off. He tapped his ear - which means "noise" or "sound". I had been doing that sign for awhile, but I didn't think he ever saw me.
We tried it again the next morning. The alarm went off and this time he didn't sign it. I tapped my ear and said, "Can you hear that sound?" and he looked back at the alarm clock.
They've also taught him "milk" at daycare (which is like milking a cow with your hand). We only use "drink" with him, never milk. The other day when Cindy was offering him a drink, he signed milk.
A couple weeks ago we noticed Jake suddenly walk across the floor, without warning, hanging on to his train walker. He had just gotten up by himself and started pushing the thing across the floor. It was bizarre seeing him walk by, because we'd never seen him do that on his own. Suddenly, you see this kid walking past.
When he first started using the walker, you had to hang on because he'd push it faster than his feet could keep up. So he'd be in danger of landing on his face. Now he has more control of the train with his arms, but hasn't figured out how to turn. So he'll just go in a straight line until he bumps into a wall. The train makes a little "beep" sound when this happens and he laughs.
He brings it back and pushes it into the wall over and over again. Now he's started to sit down and turn it with his hands in another direction. Soon he'll be able to do this on the fly.
We tried it again the next morning. The alarm went off and this time he didn't sign it. I tapped my ear and said, "Can you hear that sound?" and he looked back at the alarm clock.
They've also taught him "milk" at daycare (which is like milking a cow with your hand). We only use "drink" with him, never milk. The other day when Cindy was offering him a drink, he signed milk.
A couple weeks ago we noticed Jake suddenly walk across the floor, without warning, hanging on to his train walker. He had just gotten up by himself and started pushing the thing across the floor. It was bizarre seeing him walk by, because we'd never seen him do that on his own. Suddenly, you see this kid walking past.
When he first started using the walker, you had to hang on because he'd push it faster than his feet could keep up. So he'd be in danger of landing on his face. Now he has more control of the train with his arms, but hasn't figured out how to turn. So he'll just go in a straight line until he bumps into a wall. The train makes a little "beep" sound when this happens and he laughs.
He brings it back and pushes it into the wall over and over again. Now he's started to sit down and turn it with his hands in another direction. Soon he'll be able to do this on the fly.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Have you noticed we're always sabotaging ourselves?
Have you ever noticed how we always seem to be doing things for the good of our future selves? And then when that future comes we hate it?
Like we say, "I'll stick in this job and build up my resume so in a few years I'll be super qualified." Then a few years comes and you're like, "I hate this job."
Basically we're always sacrificing for our future, and our future selves never appreciate it. I read about this in a book about happiness. (Sorry, I forget the title.) The gist was that most people aren't happy even though they spend most of their lives doing things that they think will make them happy in the future.
I'll take this job. I'll buy this house. I'll buy new clothes. I'll start a budget.
Either we do these things and then we say, "Okay I still feel like crap. What's going on?" Or we quit half way because it's too hard and then we say, "I feel like crap. I shouldn't have quit."
Interestingly, people who don't plan or sacrifice for the future (I'm thinking people with poor impulse control, drinkers, drug habits etc.) aren't happy either.*
So what do we do about this? I don't know.
Like we say, "I'll stick in this job and build up my resume so in a few years I'll be super qualified." Then a few years comes and you're like, "I hate this job."
Basically we're always sacrificing for our future, and our future selves never appreciate it. I read about this in a book about happiness. (Sorry, I forget the title.) The gist was that most people aren't happy even though they spend most of their lives doing things that they think will make them happy in the future.
I'll take this job. I'll buy this house. I'll buy new clothes. I'll start a budget.
Either we do these things and then we say, "Okay I still feel like crap. What's going on?" Or we quit half way because it's too hard and then we say, "I feel like crap. I shouldn't have quit."
Interestingly, people who don't plan or sacrifice for the future (I'm thinking people with poor impulse control, drinkers, drug habits etc.) aren't happy either.*
So what do we do about this? I don't know.
*Except for Buddhist monks or Zen masters who "live in the moment.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Some observations about Tim Horton's
First off, wow it's reasonably priced! Maybe I'm just used to hearing about $4 or $5 coffees from Starbucks or specialty shops. The other day I went for a "coffee run" at work and ordered a full tray of stuff. $6!
Psychologically when you order coffee you think it's going to be a lot because you're not just saying "coffee", you're saying "coffee with one cream and one sugar". Add that to an order for 4 people and you're talking for about a full minute. Then the price comes out to only $6. Usually when you're buying something and talking for more than a minute, it's costing you an arm and a leg.
Why don't any men work at Tim Horton's? I think TH is one of the most blatantly, sexist organizations. But that's okay. No one really wants men to work at Tim Horton's.
How do people figure out they like one cream or one sugar or a "double double" or black or whatever? Where do their coffee preferences come from and have they tried all combinations, just to make sure? Or did they just happened to order one when they were younger and they stuck with that one? I think to do it right you'd have to order all combinations and taste test and rank accordingly and do this every couple years because your taste buds might change.
They were magically fast as well. I was concentrating on ordering a complicated order and I sensed that a coffee was placed in front of me. Then I'd look away and look back and another one would be there. By the time I finished paying, it was all done. Where did they come from so fast?
It can be a bit stressful ordering for other people. You have to get their complicated order right, juggle change, read from your notes, etc. Not to mention you have people in the line behind you shuffling their feet and staring at your neck. I always end up not being able to read my writing so I'm squinting at my notes while the cashier is giving me a blank hurry-up look.
One time I went to Tim Horton's downtown (the one on the side of the SFU Harbour Centre building). I ordered a coffee and while she was pouring it, I changed my mind and ordered a decaf, apologizing. She said no. She said she was already pouring my coffee. She was dead serious too. An old grumpy Chinese lady. So I told her off.
One more observation: I like it when the staff tag-teams each other during your order. They all start getting things and taking your money. So you have two or three hovering around while you're reading your notes. And they never talk to each other. How do they know what each other are doing? Are they using mental telepathy? Yet everything almost always works out. You get what you asked for quickly and accurately. Each one does a certain thing (without talking) and it all comes together. Life should be more like that.
Friday, August 7, 2009
American Gangster is the longest movie I've ever seen.
We rented American Gangster, with Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington, last weekend. Man, that was a long movie. It took us 3 viewing sessions and 2 full days to watch the thing. I returned the movie with 15 minutes to spare.
Here's what happened:
8pm - 10pm
[turn on the blu-ray and it asks if we want to watch the extended version.]
Me: Should we watch the extended version?
C: Yeah, maybe we should.
Me: Might be kind of long. Let's just watch the regular version.
C: Ok.
[Later]
Me: I'm tired do you want to go to bed?
C: Not yet.
[Later]
Me: I'm very tired now. Let's go to bed.
C: Ok.
Day 2, 2pm - 4pm
Me: Jake's napping. Do you want to finish the movie?
C: Yes.
[Later]
Me: Jake's up. We'll have to watch the rest tonight. I don't even think it's close to ending. The two main character's haven't met yet.
Day 2, 8pm-10pm
C: This is pretty slow paced.
Me: I hope I can return the movie on time.
Here's what happened:
8pm - 10pm
[turn on the blu-ray and it asks if we want to watch the extended version.]
Me: Should we watch the extended version?
C: Yeah, maybe we should.
Me: Might be kind of long. Let's just watch the regular version.
C: Ok.
[Later]
Me: I'm tired do you want to go to bed?
C: Not yet.
[Later]
Me: I'm very tired now. Let's go to bed.
C: Ok.
Day 2, 2pm - 4pm
Me: Jake's napping. Do you want to finish the movie?
C: Yes.
[Later]
Me: Jake's up. We'll have to watch the rest tonight. I don't even think it's close to ending. The two main character's haven't met yet.
Day 2, 8pm-10pm
C: This is pretty slow paced.
Me: I hope I can return the movie on time.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The "Green" movement bullies people.
Going green is certainly the cool thing nowadays. Buy a green car, install solar panels, buy special light bulbs, compost food, shop at farmer's markets.
While I certainly have respect for planet Earth, I suspect we humans are only a minor irritation. The planet will still be here long after we're gone.
What I don't have much respect for are the bullies of the Green movement. Those are the people who judge you for driving or insist that you ride transit or give you a hard time for buying disposable diapers. They're bullies.
In my last place of work, we had a bunch of green bullies. One guy wrote all these aggressive articles in the company newsletter about how eating meat basically means you're torturing chickens. When I refused to publish his articles (I was in charge of the newsletter), he'd send me snarky little emails about how the "thought-police" were in charge of the newsletter.
At company parties or birthdays, he'd show up and make a big show about grabbing the vegetarian platter or the vegan birthday cake. Then he'd sort of stand beside the cakes and give everyone else dirty looks.
Also, he wore all black. Not sure if that's relevant or not.
The managers of the company were also green bullies. They'd force me to write articles about how "green" the company was. I asked them to send me information and examples, and they would never answer my emails.
The truth was, the company wasn't green at all. We had a recycling bin in the kitchen and at staff meetings the CEO would say some vague thing about how they were "working on" going "carbon neutral". But nothing was ever done.
The CEO even bragged about having her administrative assistant "help her make the company more green". Six months later, that person was laid-off. A few months after that we were all laid off and the company moved to Toronto to save money.
Here's why I don't like green bullies:
1) Most of them are all talk and no action. They say all this stuff but how cars are bad, but if they could afford it, they'd go out and buy a car in a second.
2) They're pushing their values and morals on me and everyone else.
3) They're ill-informed and naive. They think that if government passes some laws, the environment will be fixed.
On the plus side, they certainly care about their environment and understand that they are possibly protecting future generations.
While I certainly have respect for planet Earth, I suspect we humans are only a minor irritation. The planet will still be here long after we're gone.
What I don't have much respect for are the bullies of the Green movement. Those are the people who judge you for driving or insist that you ride transit or give you a hard time for buying disposable diapers. They're bullies.
In my last place of work, we had a bunch of green bullies. One guy wrote all these aggressive articles in the company newsletter about how eating meat basically means you're torturing chickens. When I refused to publish his articles (I was in charge of the newsletter), he'd send me snarky little emails about how the "thought-police" were in charge of the newsletter.
At company parties or birthdays, he'd show up and make a big show about grabbing the vegetarian platter or the vegan birthday cake. Then he'd sort of stand beside the cakes and give everyone else dirty looks.
Also, he wore all black. Not sure if that's relevant or not.
The managers of the company were also green bullies. They'd force me to write articles about how "green" the company was. I asked them to send me information and examples, and they would never answer my emails.
The truth was, the company wasn't green at all. We had a recycling bin in the kitchen and at staff meetings the CEO would say some vague thing about how they were "working on" going "carbon neutral". But nothing was ever done.
The CEO even bragged about having her administrative assistant "help her make the company more green". Six months later, that person was laid-off. A few months after that we were all laid off and the company moved to Toronto to save money.
Here's why I don't like green bullies:
1) Most of them are all talk and no action. They say all this stuff but how cars are bad, but if they could afford it, they'd go out and buy a car in a second.
2) They're pushing their values and morals on me and everyone else.
3) They're ill-informed and naive. They think that if government passes some laws, the environment will be fixed.
On the plus side, they certainly care about their environment and understand that they are possibly protecting future generations.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
When I go to the bathroom at work I get angry.
Because it’s so busy. We have a small bathroom – one urinal, one toilet, two sinks, one paper towel disperser (always broken). There is always someone in there and I can’t stand it. I like being by myself while voiding. I just do.
When another guy comes in this is what goes through my mind. “Frick NO! What’s he doing here? What an A-hole. Can’t he just hold it? He likes coming into the bathroom. Where does he work? Why are there so many guys working in on this floor. Is this a sausage factory? I’m sick of it. Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. Don’t nod at me. I don’t want you here. Next time go upstairs to that washroom.”
Interestingly, the bathroom has a door for the urinal. I’ve never seen that before. Most people don’t close the door for the urinal. A few do. I don’t because I want to touch as few things as possible in a public bathroom.
I don’t need a door blocking the view of my back to someone else, while I’m urinating.
When another guy comes in this is what goes through my mind. “Frick NO! What’s he doing here? What an A-hole. Can’t he just hold it? He likes coming into the bathroom. Where does he work? Why are there so many guys working in on this floor. Is this a sausage factory? I’m sick of it. Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. Don’t nod at me. I don’t want you here. Next time go upstairs to that washroom.”
Interestingly, the bathroom has a door for the urinal. I’ve never seen that before. Most people don’t close the door for the urinal. A few do. I don’t because I want to touch as few things as possible in a public bathroom.
I don’t need a door blocking the view of my back to someone else, while I’m urinating.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I’m constantly amazed that women actually like men.
Men are scummy, sleazy, creepy, violent. They have ugly genitals, don’t take care of themselves, die at an early age, act aggressively, have poor taste in clothes, treat their girlfriends and wives dismissively, are immature.
Today men are lazier then ever. They don’t go to school. They don’t contribute much to housework. They play videogames.
Most murders are men. Most thieves are men. Most dictators are men. Most spouse-abusers are men. Most drug addicts are men.
Men have body odour and stinky feet and bad breath and lots of hair.
I could go on.
Amazingly, women like men. They seek men. They want to be with men. I find this fascinating. I know it’s instinct, but still…
I asked my wife why women like men and she said it was only because men liked women.
Today men are lazier then ever. They don’t go to school. They don’t contribute much to housework. They play videogames.
Most murders are men. Most thieves are men. Most dictators are men. Most spouse-abusers are men. Most drug addicts are men.
Men have body odour and stinky feet and bad breath and lots of hair.
I could go on.
Amazingly, women like men. They seek men. They want to be with men. I find this fascinating. I know it’s instinct, but still…
I asked my wife why women like men and she said it was only because men liked women.
Monday, August 3, 2009
3 Jake Stories
Bye bye butterfly
We have a toy butterfly that Jake loves. It sings a song and flaps it's wings and rolls around. Jake plays with it so much we get a headache. When we take it away from him, he whines. Yesterday Cindy discovered that if you tell Jake, "Say bye bye to the butterfly," and you wave, he doesn't whine when you take it away.
Toy train
Jake has a walker that looks like a train. He can walk it by himself but hasn't figured out how to steer yet. So you have to set it up so that he can go straight for a long time before he hits something. When he hits a wall the train makes a little beep. Jake laughs and pulls it back and drives it into the wall over and over again.
Kisses
If I'm close to Cindy and I bend toward Jake and ask him for a kiss, he grabs my head, then he grabs Cindy's head and he pushes us together so we kiss. Then he laughs and keeps pushing our heads together, making us kiss over and over.
We have a toy butterfly that Jake loves. It sings a song and flaps it's wings and rolls around. Jake plays with it so much we get a headache. When we take it away from him, he whines. Yesterday Cindy discovered that if you tell Jake, "Say bye bye to the butterfly," and you wave, he doesn't whine when you take it away.
Toy train
Jake has a walker that looks like a train. He can walk it by himself but hasn't figured out how to steer yet. So you have to set it up so that he can go straight for a long time before he hits something. When he hits a wall the train makes a little beep. Jake laughs and pulls it back and drives it into the wall over and over again.
Kisses
If I'm close to Cindy and I bend toward Jake and ask him for a kiss, he grabs my head, then he grabs Cindy's head and he pushes us together so we kiss. Then he laughs and keeps pushing our heads together, making us kiss over and over.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
More roads = more traffic.
About a month ago a new, multi-lane, multi-million dollar toll bridge opened by my house. I haven’t noticed any difference in traffic.
This wouldn’t be a surprise to many people in the transportation sector. The more roads you build, the more traffic you cause. This is called “induced traffic”. Or, to be more general, “induced demand”.
The idea that building more roads, causes more traffic sounds counter-intuitive at first. Let’s say the government builds 100 brand new roads in your city. Suddenly, there’s a lot more space for driving. People will say, “Hey, driving is awesome. There’s so much room! I’m gonna drive.”
Likewise, if you triple the number of buses and sky trains and other public transit vehicles, you suddenly have a huge increase in ridership. People say, “I love taking the bus. It’s way faster and there’s so many buses and it’s so comfortable.” The buses will soon fill up.
Then, when all the buses are full again and the roads are empty, people will leave the bus and go back to driving. This back and forth will happen until equilibrium is reached.
Generally, the roads are always at equilibrium. There’s just the right amount of cars on the road. The roads are not busy enough to compel people to avoid driving, and they’re not empty enough to encourage new traffic.
Induced demand works in other areas as well. When air condition efficiency improved in the 1990s, more people bought and used air conditions.
When fuel economy in our cars improved, people drove more and used more gasoline.
This is why the government often fails when it tries to legislate environmental improvements. Subsidize the price of gas, and more people buy gas. Make cars more fuel efficient, more people will drive. Plant more trees and more people buy paper products.
It works in the opposite as well. Increased demand for hamburgers means people will breed more cows. Increased demand for fresh, drinking water means more desalinization plants.
This wouldn’t be a surprise to many people in the transportation sector. The more roads you build, the more traffic you cause. This is called “induced traffic”. Or, to be more general, “induced demand”.
“Induced demand is the phenomenon that after supply increases, more of a good is
consumed.” – Wikiepedia.
The idea that building more roads, causes more traffic sounds counter-intuitive at first. Let’s say the government builds 100 brand new roads in your city. Suddenly, there’s a lot more space for driving. People will say, “Hey, driving is awesome. There’s so much room! I’m gonna drive.”
Likewise, if you triple the number of buses and sky trains and other public transit vehicles, you suddenly have a huge increase in ridership. People say, “I love taking the bus. It’s way faster and there’s so many buses and it’s so comfortable.” The buses will soon fill up.
Then, when all the buses are full again and the roads are empty, people will leave the bus and go back to driving. This back and forth will happen until equilibrium is reached.
Generally, the roads are always at equilibrium. There’s just the right amount of cars on the road. The roads are not busy enough to compel people to avoid driving, and they’re not empty enough to encourage new traffic.
Induced demand works in other areas as well. When air condition efficiency improved in the 1990s, more people bought and used air conditions.
When fuel economy in our cars improved, people drove more and used more gasoline.
This is why the government often fails when it tries to legislate environmental improvements. Subsidize the price of gas, and more people buy gas. Make cars more fuel efficient, more people will drive. Plant more trees and more people buy paper products.
It works in the opposite as well. Increased demand for hamburgers means people will breed more cows. Increased demand for fresh, drinking water means more desalinization plants.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
This was the most disgusting thing I've seen in my life.
Yesterday was garbage day. It's been hot here, mid 30s all week. I put the garbage out in the shed. The day before I could see some maggots through the garbage bag.
I thought, "What the hell. I'll let the garbage dudes deal with that."
So yesterday I'm taking the garbage out to the driveway.
The garbage bag rips open.
Maggots spill out over my arms and hands. I do the yelp and flinch thing. I knock more maggots onto my body. I brush them off and feel sick to my stomach. I had just eaten breakfast.
Now the garbage needs to be re-tied and there are maggots all over the bag. They're also squirming all over the driveway.
Eventually I tie the bag and go back into the house and wash my hands for 5 minutes. I decide to let the rest of the maggots die and dry up on the driveway. I almost puke.
That's it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)