On TV white, middle-aged husbands are losers and doofuses.

If you judge my kind (white, husband with family, middle-aged) by television, which I highly suggest that you do, you'll find that we're a bunch of losers.

We make a mess of the simplest things. We burn ourselves barbecuing, we fall off ladders, make stupid comments, eat dog food by mistake. We're fooled by our children, laughed at by our wives. We're klutzy and stupid and unfit for anything that requires 2 or more brain cells.

It wasn't always like this. Back when we were single, we were cool. Single guys on TV have hordes of women chasing them. They drink beer, party, drive fast cars, make fun of other weaker males, and did I mention they have hordes of hot women chasing them?

Then when we got married something changed. Something radical. I don't know what it was. We lost our coolness. Maybe our wives changed us? Our kids?

Someone once said that white middle aged men are portrayed as idiots because in real life they rule the world. They have all the best jobs, all the money, and basically all the power. So it's okay to make fun of them on TV.

How to tell if someone is a good driver.

As a commuter, I've become great at judging drivers based on the car. Here we go:



BMW convertible or sports car convertible, top down

Balding, middle-aged man going through mid-life crisis. Generally safe driver but anger issues. Don't make him mad or he could rage.



Small hatchback from 1980s, Rabbit or civic

Bad driver car! Stay away from these people. They speed and change lanes without signalling and cut you off.



Old pick-up truck, burned out tail lights

You see this a lot where I live. Men in their 20s, aggressive, wearing no shirt. Into drugs or booze. They drive fast and sloppy. They'll hit and run because they don't care about the condition of the truck. Give them lots of room.



Huge pick up truck. Washed and clean. Gleaming black.

Okay drivers but they tailgate. Anger issues. The men driving are bald and angry. Will yell at you and finger you. Think they own the road and rarely stop at stop signs or yellow lights.



Small sporty car, red, a few years old.

Teenage girl, blond hair, not paying attention. Texting her friend on twitter and facebook. Chewing bubble gum. Dance music playing on radio. Fast, sloppy driver.



Huge new, clean, SUV, tinted windows.

Drug dealer or gangster. Not bad drivers, but be polite around them. You don't want to get shot. Also, don't park near them in case another gangster does a drive-by shooting and you get caught in cross fire.



Huge SUV, untinted windows

Tiny female, suburban soccer mom. Driving kids around. Husband works as lawyer or accountant in Vancouver and she's home all day with kids. Harried. Blond hair. Generally an okay driver, but drives fast and impatiently.